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Thread ID: 98017 2009-03-08 01:27:00 Startrek. Microsoft vs Borg Colpol (444) PC World Chat
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754583 2009-03-08 01:27:00 An oldie from long ago


[Picard] "Mr . LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr . Data, have you been able to
access their command pathways?"

[Geordi]"Yes, Captain . In fact, we found the answer by searching
through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology . "

[Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen . ]

[Riker looks puzzled . ] "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"

[Data turns to answer . ] "Allow me to explain . We will send this
program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command
pathways . Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
system resources at an unstoppable rate . "

[Picard] "But the Borg have the ability to adapt . Won't they alter
their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

[Data] "Yes, Captain . But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new
version of itself known as an 'upgrade' . The use of resources increases
exponentially with each iteration . The Borg will not be able to adapt
quickly enough . Eventually all of their processing ability will be
taken over and none will be available for their normal operational
functions . "

[Picard] "Excellent work . This is even better than that 'unsolvable
geometric shape' idea . "

. . 15 Minutes Later . . .

[Data] "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
resources . We however have not received any confirmation of the
expected 'upgrade' . "

[Geordi] "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an
'upgrade' to compensate for their increase . "

[Picard] "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
something we have missed . "

[Data] "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
upgrade' . Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan
by not sending in their registration cards .

[Riker] "Captain we have no choice . Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F . . . "

[Geordi, excited] "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has
suddenly dropped to 0% !"

[Picard] "Data, what does your scanners show?"

[Data] "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module
named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity . "

[Picard] "Let’s wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
functionality . "

. . Two Hours Pass . . .

[Riker] "Geordi what’s the status on the Borg?"

[Geordi] "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called
the 'Microsoft fun-pack' .

[Picard] "How much time will that buy us?"

[Data] "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
time span of 6 more hours . "

[Geordi] "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector . "

[Picard] "Identify . "

[Data] "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'
logo"

[Over the speakers] "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY . WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED
SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR . SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY
TROUBLE . YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"

[Data] "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
thousands of humanoid shaped objects . "

[Picard] "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"

[Riker] "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward
the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive the
tortures of deep space ?!"

[Data] "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look
closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases,
and wearing Armani suits"

[Riker and Picard together horrified] "Lawyers !!"

[Geordi] "It can't be . All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening . "

[Data] "True, but apparently some must have survived . "

[Riker] "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
all types of papers . "

[Data] "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape' it
often proves fatal . "

[Riker] "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"

[Picard] "Turn off the monitors . I can't stand to watch, not even the
Borg deserve that . " 		Colpol (444)
754584 2009-03-08 06:18:00 Very good :-) paulw (1826)
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