Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 99100	2009-04-20 05:26:00	Monday Laughs...............Sex, gambling, and mind-bending tricks	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
766484	2009-04-20 05:26:00	Ghost Sex A professor at Indiana University was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?' About 90 students raise their hands. 'Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?' About 40 students raise their hands. 'That's really good!' says the Professor. 'I'm really glad you take this seriously. Now, has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?' About 15 students raise their hand. 'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?' Three students raise their hands.... 'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a Ghost?' Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience....' The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?' Bubba replied, 'Shiiiiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said 'Goats.' ********************************* The IRD decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their offices. The IRD auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRD finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about I give you a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that waste-basket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' Twice burned, the auditor is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the waste-basket, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!' Don't Mess with Old People!!!!!!!!!!!!! ********************************* THIS IS QUITE REMARKABLE... Close your eyes and imagine you are sitting at a round table. In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it. They are: A. Apple B. Banana C. Strawberry D. Peach E. Orange Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. This is great, I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot about you! Ready? For your personal test results: Please SCROLL DOWN: If you have chosen: A. Apple: That means you are a person who likes to eat apples B. Banana: That means you are a person who likes to eat bananas C. Strawberry: That means you are a person who likes to eat strawberries D. Peach: That means you are a person who likes to eat peaches E. Orange: That means you are a person who likes to eat oranges Also, I bet that right now you would like to find me and inflict severe pain! Cheers Billy 8-{) :p	Billy T (70)
766485	2009-04-20 05:33:00	Heh, great selection today Billy.	wratterus (105)
766486	2009-04-20 05:36:00	What's the difference between a Samoan and a Maori One wears a Lava Lava and the other wears a balaclava :xmouth:	plod (107)
766487	2009-04-20 06:02:00	:lol::lol::lol: Good one Plod Ken	kenj (9738)
766488	2009-04-20 11:53:00	Thanks Billy, those first two were some of the best I've heard in a long time!	--Wolf-- (128)
766489	2009-04-21 03:06:00	Marriage humour Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband : Nothing . Wife : 'Nothing . . . ? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour . ' Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date . ' ------------------------------- Wife : 'Do you want dinner?' Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?' Wife : 'Yes or no . ' ------------------------------- Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet . Why?' Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears . ' Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?' Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?' -------------------------------------------------------- Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden . ' Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles . ' Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet . ' ------------------------------ Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady . ' Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing . ' Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap . ' ________________________________ A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?' 'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!' ------------------------------------------------------------ Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning . ' ------------------------------- A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!'	Marnie (4574)
766490	2009-04-21 10:16:00	:lol:	qazwsxokmijn (102)
766491	2009-04-23 02:53:00	Auckland Suburbs Jokes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A Manurewa girl goes to Social Welfare to register for child benefit . "How many children?" asks the assessor . "Ten" replies the Rewa Hard girl, "Ten?" says the Welfare worker . "What are their names?" "Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and Nathan" "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naah . . . " says the Rewa Hard girl, "Its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have shout 'NATHAN, YER DINNER'S READY!' or 'NATHAN GO TO BED NOW!' and they all do it . . . " "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed Welfare worker . "That's easy," says the Rewa Hard girl . . . "I just use their surnames" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A North Shore girl enters an adult shop & asks for a vibrator . The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall . " She says "I'll take the red one . " The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher . " ------------------------------------------------------------------- Q . Two Mangere girls jump off a cliff . Who wins? A . Society . ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q . What do you call a 30 year old Glenfield girl? A . Granny . ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q . Why did the Otara girl cross the road? A . To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever . --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q . What do you call a Manukau girl in a white tracksuit? A . The bride . ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q . What's the first question during a Papakura quiz night? A . . What you looking at? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q . What does a Grey Lynn girl use as protection during sex? A . A bus shelter . ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q . Two Mangere kids in a car without any music - who is driving? A . The policeman . ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q . . What's the difference between a Remeura boy and an Avondale girl? A . An Avondale girl has a higher sperm count . ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q . What's the most confusing day in Panmure? A . Father’s day	Cicero (40)
766492	2009-04-23 03:10:00	:D - you'll keep, Cicero! ;)	johcar (6283)
766493	2009-04-23 04:35:00	Oh gosh, cicero. :lol:	Renmoo (66)
1 2