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Thread ID: 99687	2009-05-11 02:40:00	Monday Laughs..............Love is a many splendoured thing........I think?	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
772966	2009-05-11 02:40:00	On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident . The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St . Peter to process them into Heaven . While waiting they began to wonder, could they possibly get married in Heaven? So, when St . Peter showed up, they ask him . St . Peter says, "I don't know . This is the first time anyone has ever asked . Let me find out," and he leaves . The couple sat and waited, and waited . Two months passed and the couple are still waiting . As they waited,they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all . "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, Are we stuck together forever? After yet another month, St . Peter returns, looking somewhat bedraggled . "Yes" he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven . " "Great" said the couple, "But we were wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we get a divorce in Heaven?" St . Peter's face goes red with anger and he slams his clipboard onto the ground . "What's wrong? asked the frightened couple . "Oh, COME ON", St . Peter shouts . "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer?" **************************** Judge to prostitute : 'So when did you first realise you had been raped?' Prostitute, wiping away tears: 'When the cheque bounced . ' **************************** An Aussie was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck . Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him . Looking around, he realised that they were all stranded on a deserted island . After being there for several weeks, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set . One particular evening, the sky was a delicate pink with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance . As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Aussie . Soon, he leaned over and put his arm around it, but the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm away . After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but he made no more cuddling attempts . Many months passed by, then lo and behold, there was another shipwreck . The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen . She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her but he slowly nursed her back to health . When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual . It was another beautiful evening . Pink sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - a night just perfect for romance . Pretty soon, the Aussie started to get "those feelings" again . He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and, realising he now had a golden opportunity, cautiously he leaned over to the young woman and whispered in her ear: "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?" ********************************* A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house . She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Joe, pack your bags . I won the lottery, I got 50 Million Dollars!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said . 'Just get the hell out of here . ' ********************************* Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband . Cheers Billy 8-{) :help:	Billy T (70)
772967	2009-05-11 02:56:00	Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but . . . . 2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe . Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!! It gets worse . . . . . . . . next year . . . . . . 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?:blush:	smithie 38 (6684)
772968	2009-05-11 03:04:00	Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but.... 2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe. Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!! It gets worse........ next year...... 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?:blush: Crikey dick! :D	nofam (9009)
772969	2009-05-11 03:51:00	Good spot :lol:	Renmoo (66)
772970	2009-05-11 03:52:00	Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake . By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth . One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down . This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit . 'Oh, my,' said the bunny, I’m terribly sorry . I didn’t mean to hurt you . I’ve been blind since birth, so, I can’t see where I’m going . In fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am . ' 'It’s quite OK,' replied the snake . 'Actually, my story is as yours . I too have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother . Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are so at least you’ll have that going for you . ' 'Oh, that would be wonderful,' replied the bunny . So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, 'Well, you’re covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail . I’d say that you must be a bunny rabbit . ' 'Oh, thank you, thank you,' cried the bunny, in obvious excitement . Then bunny suggested to the snake, 'Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you’ve helped me . ' So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, 'Well, you’re smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls . I’d say you must be either a team leader, supervisor or possibly someone in senior management . '	johcar (6283)
772971	2009-05-11 04:36:00	Something I found a wee while back: Why did the maths whiz confuse Haloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 is Dec 25!	ubergeek85 (131)
772972	2009-05-11 05:41:00	Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but . . . . 2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe . Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!! It gets worse . . . . . . . . next year . . . . . . 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?:blush: What do they say about never letting the truth get in the way of a good story? Unfortunately the year of the pig was 2007 and will be 2019, otherwise vey funny .	theother1 (3573)
772973	2009-05-11 05:49:00	What do they say about never letting the truth get in the way of a good story? Unfortunately the year of the pig was 2007 and will be 2019, otherwise vey funny. And 2010 is the year of the Tiger...	somebody (208)
772974	2009-05-11 06:40:00	2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken 2008 - Chinese year of the Horse 2009 - Chinese year of the Pig 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?:blush: Wrong. Boar Feb 18 2007–Feb 06 2008 Rat Feb 07 2008–Jan 25 2009 Ox Jan 26 2009–Feb 13 2010	pctek (84)
772975	2009-05-11 07:12:00	Wrong. Boar Feb 18 2007–Feb 06 2008 Rat Feb 07 2008–Jan 25 2009 Ox Jan 26 2009–Feb 13 2010 Good story though pctek... :thumbs: Ken	kenj (9738)
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