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Thread ID: 100059	2009-05-24 20:54:00	Monday Laughs...............Wet jokes and one-liner's for groan-ups	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
776609	2009-05-26 19:50:00	Oh so true but would you be man enough to do it?	gary67 (56)
776610	2009-05-28 04:01:00	Haw might get the chk chk boom if you did, haw haw	Gobe1 (6290)
776611	2009-05-28 21:14:00	Philosophies of the Famous . . . . . Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin . " -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered . But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall . " -- Eleanor Roosevelt Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen . I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement . -- Mark Twain The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible . -- George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea . Visit people only once a year . - - Victor Borge Be careful about reading health books . You may die of a misprint . -- Mark Twain By all means, marry . If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher . -- Socrates I was married by a judge . I should have asked for a jury . -- Groucho Marx Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat . Alex Levine I don't feel old . I don't feel anything until noon . Then it's time for my nap . -- Bob Hope I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it . -- W . C . Fields We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress . -- Will Rogers Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you . -- Winston Churchill Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out . -- Phyllis Diller By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere . -- Billy Crystal The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out . .	Cicero (40)
776612	2009-05-29 03:08:00	A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from the Gold Coast when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, 'Are you going to the Gold Coast?' 'Sure,' answered the blonde, 'do you need a lift ?' 'Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck, My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the Gold Coast Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me ? I'll give you $100 for your trouble..' 'I'd be happy to,' said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of the Gold Coast when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the Blonde. 'What the heck are you doing here ?' he demanded, 'I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.' 'Yes, I know you did,' said the blonde,' but we had money left over So now we're going to SeaWorld	R2x1 (4628)
776613	2009-05-29 06:07:00	Just saw this as someone's quit message on IRC: "Duct tape is like the force: It has a dark side and a light side and it holds the universe together." - Carl Zwanzig	ubergeek85 (131)
776614	2009-05-29 06:37:00	One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked for the cost and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.' Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the Members of Parliament.	R2x1 (4628)
776615	2009-05-29 06:52:00	Just saw this as someone's quit message on IRC: "Duct tape is like the force: It has a dark side and a light side and it holds the universe together." - Carl Zwanzig that would be true for GAFFER tape. gaffer tape is like the force it has a dark side and a white side and helps bind the universe together silence is golden, "duct" tape is silver	williamF (115)
776616	2009-05-30 06:17:00	Stop CHOKING - AUSSIE STYLE A woman sitting in an Adelaide Pub suddenly began to cough . After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Bluey and Bazza sitting at the next table turned to look at her . Ken ya swaller? asked Bluey The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head . Kin ya breathe?' asked Bazza . . The woman shook her head No!!! With that, Bluey walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her butt . . This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again . Bluey swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer . Bazza said in admiration 'Ya know Bluey, I'd heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it . '	Cicero (40)
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