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Thread ID: 100266	2009-06-01 22:05:00	Monday Laughs...............Tuesday Edition	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
778949	2009-06-01 22:05:00	A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Christmas fancy dress party . He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem . A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit . The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will look just right as a Pirate . The man is offended that the outfit emphasises his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint and returns the parcel . A week passes and he receives another parcel and note: Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel . Please find enclosed a monk's habit . The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part . The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the Company has gone from emphasising his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head . So he writes a really strong letter of complaint to go with the returned outfit . A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup . We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, reverse your wooden leg, impale yourself firmly upon the pointed end, then go as a toffee apple . ********************************* A 70-year-old man asks his wife: 'Do you feel upset when you see me running behind young girls?' Wife replied: 'No, not at all dear, even dogs chase cars, but they can't drive them, can they?' ********************************* A young Chinese girl is going on her first date and her mother warned her: 'First he will kiss your cheek, then he'll kiss your breasts . You'll enjoy that, but then he'll want to go on top of you, but do not allow him to do that so as not to disgrace our family's name . OK?' Next morning the girl told her mum: 'Everything happened exactly as you predicted, but I didn't allow him to go on top of me . I went on top of him and disgraced his family instead . ' ********************************* White & Black #1 A white couple had a black baby and the husband doesn't believe that it's his . Husband: 'Why is our baby black?' Wife: 'You were HOT, I was HOT, so baby got scorched! ********************************* White & Black #2 Boy : 'Mom, why am I black and you are white?' Mom : 'Listen, son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!' ********************************* Wife: 'Honey, what are you looking for?' Husband: 'Nothing . ' Wife: 'Nothing? You have been quietly reading our marriage certificate for over an hour!' Husband: 'I was just looking for the expiry date!' Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
778950	2009-06-02 00:56:00	What on earth was I thinking??? I left out the topical joke du jour: The Big Bad Wolf said: I’ll huff and I'll puff, and I’ll blow your house down! The Little Pig replied: "#@%* off, or I'll sneeze at you." Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
778951	2009-06-02 02:17:00	Wow!! The tone is set - must sift through my collection of somewhat-NSFW jokes.... :D	johcar (6283)
778952	2009-06-02 02:27:00	Thought I'd share these jokes from the (now dead) totse website (RIP) . BEST RUM CAKE EVER 1 or 2 quarts Rum Lemon Juice 1 tsp . Sugar 1 tsp . soda 1 cup Dried Fruit Brown Sugar Baking Powder Nuts Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality . Good isn't it? Now goahead . Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc . Check the rum again . It must be just right . To be sure the rum is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can . Repeat . With an electric mexer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl . Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again . Meanwhile make sure the rum is of the finest quality, try another cup . Open second quart if necessary . Add 1 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat until high . If druit gets stuck on beater just pry it loose with a drew scriver . Sample the rum again, checking for tonscisticity . Next sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (It really doesn't matter) . Sample the rum again . Sift 1/2 pint of lemon juice . Fold in chopped butter and your strained nuts . Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or what ever color you can find . Wix mel . Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gridies . Now pour the whole miss into the coven and brake . Check the rum again and bo to ged __________________________________________________ _________________________ 9 user types (humour) This is my own, though the style is a blatant copy of Matt Groening . Scon is short for Student Consultant . Scons are people hired to help users learn and work with the university's machinery . A pod is a UNM term for a place where such machinery is made available . The nine types of users El Explicito - "I tried the thing, ya know, and it worked, ya know, but now it doesn't, ya know?" Advantages: Provides interesting communication challanges . Disadvantages: So do chimps . Symptoms: Complete inability to use proper nouns Real Case: One user walked up to a certain Armenian pod manager and said, "I can't get what I want!" The pod manager leaned back, put his hands on his belt-buckle, and said, "Well, ma'am, you've come to the right place . " Mad Bomber - "Well, I hit ALT-f6, shift-f8, CNTRL-f10, f4, and f9, and now it looks all weird . " Advantages: Will try to find own solution to problems . Disadvantages: User might have translated document to Navajo without meaning to . Symptoms: More than six stopped jobs in UNIX, a 2:1 code-to-letter ratio in WordPerfect Real Case: One user came in complaining that his WordPerfect document was underlined . When I used reveal codes on it, I found that he'd set and unset underline more than fifty times in his document . Frying Pan/Fire Tactician - "It didn't work with the data set we had, so I fed in my aunt's recipe for key lime pie . " Advantages: Will usually fix error . Disadvantages: 'Fix' is defined VERY loosely here . Symptoms: A tendancy to delete lines that get errors instead of fixing them . Real Case: One user complained that their program executed, but didn't do anything . The scon looked at it for twenty minutes before realizing that they'd commented out EVERY LINE . The user said, "Well, that was the only way I could get it to compile . " Shaman - "Last week, when the moon was full, the clouds were thick, and formahaut was above the horizon, I typed f77, and lo, it did compile . " Advantages: Gives insight into primative mythology . Disadvantages: Few scons are anthropology majors . Symptoms: Frequent questions about irrelavent objects . Real Case: One user complained that all information on one of their disks got erased (as Norton Utilities showed nothing but empty sectors, I suspect nothing had ever been on it) . Reasoning that the deleted information went *somewhere*, they wouldn't shut up until the scon checked four different disks for the missing information . X-user - "Will you look at those . . . um, that resolution, quite impressive, really . " Advantages: Using the cutting-edge in graphics technology . Disadvantages: Has little or no idea how to use the cutting-edge in graphics technology . Symptoms: Fuzzy hands, blindness Real Case: When I was off duty, two users sat down in front of me at DEC station 5000/200s that systems was reconfiguring . I suppressed my laughter while, for twenty minutes, they sat down and did their best to act like they were doing exectly what they wanted to do, even though they couldn't log in . Miracle Worker - "But it read a file from it yesterday!" 'Sir, at a guess, this disk has been swollowed and regurgitated . ' "But I did that a month ago, and it read a file from it yesterday!" Advantages: Apparently has remarkable luck when you aren't around . Disadvantages: People complain when scons actually use the word 'horse-puckey' . Symptoms: Loses all ability to do impossible when you're around . Must be the kryptonite in your pocket . Real Case: At least three users have claimed that they've loaded IBM WordPerfect from Macintosh disks . Taskmaster - "Well, this is a file in MacWrite . Do you know how I can upload it to MUSIC, transfer it over to UNIX from there, download it onto an IBM, convert it to WordPerfect, and put it in three-column format?" Advantages: Bold new challanges . Disadvantages: Makes one wish to be a garbage collector . Symptoms: An inability to keep quiet . Strong tendancies to make machines do things they don't want to do . Real Case: One user tried to get a scon to find out what another person's E-mail address was even though the user didn't know his target's home system, account name, or real name . Maestro - "Well, first I sat down, like this . Then I logged on, like this, and after that, I typed in my password, like this, and after that I edited my file, like this, and after that I went to this line here, like this, and after that I picked my nose, like this . . . " Advantages: Willing to show you exactly what they did to get an error . Disadvantages: For as long as five or six hours . Symptoms: Selective deafness to the phrases, "Right, right, okay, but what was the ERROR?", and a strong fondness for the phrase, "Well, I'm getting to that . " Real Case: I once had to spend half an hour looking over a user's shoulder while they continuously retrieved a document into itself and denied that they did it (the user was complaining that their document was 87 copies of the same thing) . Princess (unfair, perhaps, as these tend, overwhelmingly, to be males) - "I need a Mac, and someone's got the one I like reserved, would you please garrote him and put him in the paper recycling bin?" Advantages: Flatters you with their high standards for your service . Disadvantages: Impresses you with their obliviousness to other people on this planet . Symptoms: Inability to communicate except by complaining . Real Case: One asked a scon to remove the message of the day because he (the user) didn't like it . -- Selected by Brad Templeton . MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet . com . Attribute the joke's source if at all possible . A Daemon will auto-reply . Please don't send me requests of the form, "could you please send me the joke about XXX?" Yes, I have it, but if I were willing to let myself be a joke server I would spend all day doing it . I reject all such requests . _________________________________________ A Politically Correct Primer (Canadian Edition) Newsgroups: alt . binaries . pictures . tasteless Subject: Canadianized version of PC Date: Thu Mar 17 12:30:41 1994 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ PC PRIMER ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q: WHAT IS P . C . ? PC stands for Politically Correct . We of the Politically Correct philosophy believe in increasing a tolerance for a DIVERSITY of cultures, race, gender, ideology and alternate lifestyles . Political Correctness is the only social and morally acceptable outlook . Anyone who disagrees with this philosophy is bigoted, biased, sexist, and/or closed-minded . Q: WHY SHOULD I BE PC? Being PC is fun . PCism is not just an attitude, it is a way of life! PC offers the satisfaction of knowing that you are undoing the social evils of centuries of oppression . Q: I AM A WHITE MALE . CAN I STILL BE PC? Sure . You just have to feel very guilty . Q: WHY? If you are a white male, your ancestors were responsible for practically every injustice in the world- slavery, war, genocide and plaid sportscoats . That means that YOU are partially responsible for these atrocities . Now it is time to balance the scales of justice for the descendants of those individuals whose ancestors your ancestors pushed down . Q: HOW? It's simple . You've got to be careful what you say, what you think, and what you do . You just don't want to offend anyone . Q: YOU MEAN I SHOULD GUARD AGAINST OFFENDING ANYONE? That's right . Being offensive is destructive, and will not make the world a harmonious utopia, like in John Lennon's IMAGINE . Q: HOW ELSE CAN I BE PC? Oh, there are lots of ways . For example, why buy regular ice cream when you can buy "Rain Forest Crunch?" Segrega . . whoops . . separate all of your garbage into different containers: glass, metal, white paper, blue paper, plastic, etc . Make sure that all your make-up has not been tested on animals . Try to find at least sixty ways to use your water; when you take a shower, brush your teeth at the same time . Then don't let the water go down the drain, use it to irrigate your lawn . Or better yet, replace your lawn with a vegetable garden . Don't use aerosol . And by all means, don't burn or deface our flag . Remember, as a citizen of Canada, your living in God's country . If you are fortunate enough to know your ethnic heritage, dress the part! Don't do drugs . You should listen to at least one of the following PC musicians: U2, REM, Sinead O'Connor, Sting, or KD Lang . Harrass people who wear fur coats . Remind them that an innocent baby seal was mercilessly clubbed . Or just yell, "FUR . " They hate that . And don't EVER eat meat . Q: DON'T EAT MEAT? WHY NOT?! Cows are animals, just like humans are animals . That means that they have rights . When you eat meat, you're oppressing animals! Q: SO ALL KILLING IS BAD? No, not always . Sometimes killing can be justified, like in the Persian Gulf . You have to be able to tell when an animal has rights, and when it doesn't . Q: HOW DO I KNOW WHEN AN ANIMAL HAS RIGHTS? The general rule is as follows: IF AN ANIMAL IS RARE, PRETTY, BIG, CUTE, FURRY, HUGGABLE, OR LOVABLE, THEN IT HAS RIGHTS . Examine the following chart: RIGHTS NO RIGHTS -------- ----------- cows cockroaches cute bunnies flies dolphins in tuna nets tuna in tuna nets whales sharks red squirrels gray squirrels owls loggers harbor seals barnacles Q: WOW . WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO BE PC? Hug a tree . Rejoice each day in our cultural differences, for they are what gives flavour to our great country . Get in touch with your sexual identity . Check your refrigerator for freon leaks . Subscribe to National Geographic . Search it for neat non-Western cultural traditions and costumes . After you read it, use the paper as an alternate fuel source . Q: I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ALL OF THIS . If you are feeling unsure about your motivation, just remember . YOU ARE RIGHT . It's that simple . You are right . Q: HOW DO I KNOW IF AN ACTION IS UN-PC? Good question . It's important to know when someone is saying something insensitive so that you can have that person removed from society . The guideline is as follows: Is the confrontation between two white people? Yes -> The liberal is right . No -> The white person is oppressing the ethnic person . Remember, many seemingly obvious issues, such as the railroading of Mayor Marion Barry, the Clarence Thomas issue, and the Saint Mary's University Carribean Society shut-down are really race issues . Here's a fun practice drill for you: See how many newspaper articles you can make into race bias stories . It's fun! Some PCers are so good they can make the weather report look like a KKK pamphlet! Q: WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SEE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING NON-PC? It all depends on the situation . If you are not in a position of authority, by all means report this activity immediately to whomever is in charge . If your school leader, employer, or superior is hip to the trend of the 90s, she or he will take the necessary steps to have the insensitive offender disciplined . Q: BUT ISN'T THAT CENSORSHIP? The Constitution never meant for racism, sexism and insensitivity to be espoused by anyone . That's not what free speech is about . Some call it censorship . PCers call it "selective" speech . Saying something negative about a particular race or gender is just as damaging as, say, punching them in the face . We just can't allow that kind of verbal assault . Q: I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT PC WORDS TO REPLACE "BLACK," "INDIAN . " ETC . Yes . That's part of the PC movement . You see, part of the way we think about people comes directly from the words we use to describe them . Take "black" for instance . Why should a person be judged by the color of their skin? Q: YOU MEAN THEY SHOULD RATHER BE JUDGED BY THE CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER? No, I mean they should be judged by where their ancestors are from . If your great grandparents are from Africa, or Asia, or wherever, then you should be identified by that fact . You can even apply for special scholarships! Q: I'M A MIXTURE OF FRENCH, GERMAN, ENGLISH, AND RUSSIAN . CAN I GET ONE? however, there should be plenty . Q HEY, WOULDN'T A WHITE PERSON FROM LIBYA OR EGYPT TECHNICALLY BE AN AFRICAN-CANADIAN? Technically, yes . But that's not the kind of African-Canadian we mean . That is, we're REALLY talking about skin color, but we're pretending that we aren't . Another example: A white South-African immigrant is not an African-Canadian or either . Q: HOW CAN I LEARN TO MAKE MY LANGUAGE MORE POLITICALLY CORRECT? For more help, see the PC LEXICON at the end of the handbook . Q: I'D LIKE MY CHILD TO BE PC . WHAT CAN I DO? Well, for one thing, we should forcibly encourage students to volunteer their time with philanthropies . Also, we should re-emphasize non-Western perspectives on history . Finally, we should re-structure tests and quizzes to reflect cultural biases . Q: I DON'T GET IT . Well, the way the system works now, "select" under-represented minorities who tend to do worse on entrance tests have lower standards of admissions at school and work and receive preferential treatment . This is unfair and wrong . Q: IT IS? Yes . The truly PC way to do it is to have a different grading scale for different groups which gives or subtracts points from the final score, depending on who is taking the test . If you are white, then you have been benefited by society during your life . That means that you lose ten to fifteen points to make the test fair to everyone else . Q: I GUESS THAT SOUNDS RIGHT . It IS right . That's the beauty of PC . Q: WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF? Humor . PC people take every comment VERY seriously . We will not accept any comment, joke, remark, or anything that sounds like it could be a racial slur . Q: GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE . "What's black and white and red all over?" has been staple humor for decades . Not PC---it can be taken the wrong way . In every day speech, try to use phrases like, "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle African-Canadian . " Any racial jokes or jokes even mentioning culture or gender should be omitted . True, this mostly limits comedy to the level of sitcoms, but that's the price you pay for social equality . Q: IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO IT? Yes . The Politically Correct belief is essentially a recognition that people are diversely equal . We rejoice in this equality by treating people differently based on their equal individuality . Hop aboard the bandwagon . . . Be PC . Or you're an intolerant, racist, sexist insensitive pig . ------------------------------------------------------------------------ PC LEXICON ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Insensitive Term" "Preferred Term" ------------------ ---------------- -> ETHNICITY <- (PC people do not recognize the term, "race," as valid) Black - African-Canadian (NOTE: DOES NOT INCLUDE LIBYANS, EGYPTIONS, WHITE S-AFRICANS . DOES INCLUDE PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN REGARDLESS OF WHERE THEY ARE FROM OR WHERE THEY LIVE . ) Oriental - Asian-Canadian (NOTE: NOT CONSIDERED "REAL" MINORITIES SINCE THEY TEND TO DO WELL) Indian - Native-Canadian (NOTE: THE FOLLOWING TEAMS ARE NOT PC: Atlanta Braves Cleveland Indians Kansas City Chiefs Washington Redskins AVOID THESE CITIES!!!) Chicano - Hispanic (NOTE: THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT PC: Cheech and Chong Chico and the Man episodes Cisco Kid Rosarita Salsa Speedy Gonzales AVOID! AVOID!) White Trash - PC Unaware Rustically Inclined WASP (white male) - Insensitive Cultural Oppressor (ICO) -> GENDER <- (PC people don't like the word "sex" as it has confusing connotations) Woman - Womyn, Vaginal-Canadian Girl - Pre-Womyn Housewife - Domestic Engineer Fireman - Firefighter Stewardess - Flight Attendant Meter Maid - Parking Enforcement Aduciator Post Man - Post Person Mail Man - Person Person Policeman - Law Enforcement Officer Baton Boy Cal . Clubber Prostitute - Sex Surrogate (Teen Victim . See: Broken Home) Mankind, Human - Earth Children -> PEOPLE : SUB-GROUPS <- Handicapped - Physically Challenged Differently Abled Handi-Capable Blind - Optically Darker Photonically Non-receptive Deaf - Visually Oriented Poor - Economically Unprepared Bum - Homeless Person Displaced Homeowner Philosophy Major Hunter - Animal Assassin Meat Mercenary Bambi Butcher Whaler - Blubber Lovers Old Person / Elderly - 4th-Dimentionally Extended Gerontologically Advanced Conservative - Right Wing Extremist Fascist Pig Drug Addict - Chemically Challenged Bald - Comb-Free Bisexual - Sexually Non-preferential Midget, Dwarf - Little People Vertically Challenged Convict - Socially Separated Insane People - Selectively Perceptive Mental Explorers (person with) (person with) Learning Disability - Self-Paced Cognitive Ability Tree-Hugger - Environmental Activist Logger - Wood Weasel Paper Pirate Treeslayer Dead People - Dysfunctional Earth Children Biologically Challenged -> MISCELLANEOUS <- Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family HouseBroken - Family Disfunction Cattle Ranch - Cattle Concentration Camp (CCC) "Moo-shwitz" Senile Bag o' Bones - Alzheimer's Victim Ghetto/Barrio - (EHA) Ethnically Homogenous Area Pre-Integrated Pre-Nirvana Hamburger - Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh (SMAF) Cheeseburger - Adding Insult to Injury Cheating (in School) - Academic Dishonesty Used Books - Recycled Books Trees - Oxygen Exchange Units Gang - Youth Group Pimp-mobile, Low-rider - Culturally Responsive Transportation Option Drunk/Trashed - Spatially Perplexed Slum - (EOZ) Economic Oppression Zone Delicatessen - Corpse Farm Charnel House Obese - People of Mass Gravitationally Challenged Enter Command:	ubergeek85 (131)
778953	2009-06-02 02:32:00	Nothing succeeds more than a budgie with no teeth.	bob_doe_nz (92)
778954	2009-06-02 02:44:00	Thought I'd share these quotes from bash.org, a collection of (sometimes NSFW) quotes from IRC. <erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is. ______________________ <Zybl0re> get up <Zybl0re> get on up <Zybl0re> get up <Zybl0re> get on up <phxl|paper> and DANCE * nmp3bot dances : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : D-< * nmp3bot dances : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : D|-< * nmp3bot dances : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : D/-< <[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet _____________________ : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> <tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> <tatclass> er. : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> <tatclass> hi. <andy\code> A common typo. : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> <tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other. ____________________ DragonflyBlade21 : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired. ___________________ <xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? ___________________ : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> <Ben174> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours. : #444444; font-style : italic; "> <ChrisLMB> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly. : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> <Ben174> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : Where u work? : #444444; font-style : italic; "> <ChrisLMB> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com *** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving) __________________ Rabidplaybunny87 : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me GarbageStan23 : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : why? Rabidplaybunny87 : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us. Rabidplaybunny87 : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire! GarbageStan23 : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : oh ****! Rabidplaybunny87 : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever Rabidplaybunny87 : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire.... Rabidplaybunny87 : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : talk about bad timing... _____________________ <death09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed <ktp753>ouch. <death09>yeah.i sent them to her dad _____________________ <JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z <JonTG> wait, **** _____________________ <Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad. ____________________ cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar <cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke <cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet <cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied <emoti_conartist> lol <cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy <cassius_clay13> so he ****ing KICKS one of the stall doors open <cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a **** <emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha <cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM <cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh ****... if i were taking a **** and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to **** him up... so i'd better hit him first' <cassius_clay13> so he ****ing SMACKS this guy in the face <cassius_clay13> and runs away <cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER ___________________________ <h|tler> HOW THE **** CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????? ___________________________ <reo4k> just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc * luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven) * r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven) * sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven) * phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven) * blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven) <ibaN`reo4k[ex]> that's gotta hurt <r`heaven> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : italic; "> : #444444; font-style : italic; "> : ( ________________________ <DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4	ubergeek85 (131)
778955	2009-06-02 03:56:00	<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z <JonTG> wait, **** LOL!	Renmoo (66)
778956	2009-06-02 07:11:00	uploads.neowin.net - :p	Renmoo (66)
778957	2009-06-02 07:13:00	Man, that's classic. I've seen a version similar ot that, done in ASCII art.	ubergeek85 (131)
778958	2009-06-02 22:09:00	** Thoughts for today ** 1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. 2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbour's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. 4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. 5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain. 6. A penny saved is a government oversight. 7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. 8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. 9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. 10. He who hesitates is probably right. 11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. 12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. 13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.	johcar (6283)
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