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Thread ID: 100824	2009-06-21 21:38:00	Monday Laughs	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
784421	2009-06-21 21:38:00	Hi Team Due to a major meltdown on my computer over the weekend (swine flu?) and pressing business demands to get back into service as quickly as possible, largely via my laptop, I'm afraid I won't be posting this week's starters so away you go, post some jokes to raise my spirits . I didn't read the screens to say that a fresh install would wipe my C drive completely, which it did dammit, and erased an awful lot of special programs, but fortunately all my data lies on a separate D drive and that also has a backup on yet another external drive, and also includes the pst file for Outlook so hopefully I will be able to get back to normal soon . So far all I have done is Reinstall W2K and Office 2000 so I have a long way to go yet, but as you can see, at least I'm on line again . I'll have to get that new computer underway very soon I think . Cheers Billy 8-{) :badpc:	Billy T (70)
784422	2009-06-21 21:47:00	I usually destroy everything when I try a dual-boot with some L-based program and XP. That NOT being your situation, I can still send succor and sympathy for your situation.	SurferJoe46 (51)
784423	2009-06-21 21:50:00	Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton . One student turned in the following book report, With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report Titanic: . . . . . Cost - $29 . 99 Clinton : . . . . . Cost - $29 . 99 Titanic: . . . . . . Over 3 hours to read Clinton : . . . . . Over 3 hours to read Titanic: . . . . . The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe . Clinton : . . . . . The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe . Titanic: . . . . . Jack is a starving artist . Clinton : . . . . . . . . . Bill is a bullshit artist . Titanic: . . . In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar . Clinton : . . . . Ditto for Bill . Titanic: . . . . During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined . Clinton : . . . . . Ditto for Monica . Titanic: . . . . . Jack teaches Rose to spit . Clinton : . . . Let's not go there . Titanic: . . . . . Rose gets to keep her jewelry . Clinton : . . . . Monica' s forced to return her gifts . Titanic: . . . . . Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life . Clinton : . . . . . Clinton doesn't remember Jack . Titanic: . . . . . Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen . Clinton : . . . . . Monica . . Ooh, let's not go there, either . Titanic: . . . . Jack surrenders to an icy death Clinton : . . . . . Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing	CYaBro (73)
784424	2009-06-21 21:54:00	A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration. 'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles...... 'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.' The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.' :D	smithie 38 (6684)
784425	2009-06-22 00:31:00	A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink. "Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink." The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman. "Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."	pctek (84)
784426	2009-06-22 02:35:00	There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena . 'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...' 'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.	ooh yeh (2935)
784427	2009-06-22 03:16:00	A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates . "$50 . 00 for three questions", replied the lawyer . "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man . "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what's your third question?" Moral Dilemma A lawyer in a small firm had just finished advising a client on a business matter . The fee for the advice was $100 and the client gave the lawyer a folded up $100 bill . After the client left, the lawyer unfolded the bill and realized that the client had accidentally given him two $100 bills . Now he was faced with a true moral dilemma: Should he share the extra $100 with his partners?	Rob99 (151)
784428	2009-06-22 03:33:00	Sorry about that misfortune Billy T. I thought long and hard to come up with a Political joke and after a while came to the conclusion quite a few Politicians are, in any event, jokes. You'll have to put up with this one:- NEWS FLASH - GOD ANNOUNCES THE 11TH COMMANDMENT! During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton has brought about the need for an eleventh commandment. They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. They began their brain-storming and came up with the 11th. After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."	Sweep (90)
784429	2009-06-22 08:45:00	Sorry to hear of your misfortune Billy hope you can make it back in style next week	gary67 (56)
784430	2009-06-23 06:27:00	The manager of a nudist camp complained that a hole was cut in the wall surrounding the park. Police are, of course, looking into it. During a recent flood, a fellow whose home was washed away discovered that he had musical talent. His wife held onto a bed and floated down the valley. Asked how that showed he had musical ability, he replied, "I accompanied her on the piano." Why do bakers bake? Because they knead the dough. What do you call an Australian with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other? Bi-sexual. The Scottish version of the Rolling Stones hit, "Hey You Get Off Of My Cloud," is called, "Hey McCleod, Get Off Of My Ewe." Mealtime on Air New Zealand: "What would you like for dinner?" "What are the choices?" "Yes or no." Sorry to hear of your problems, Billy. I'm certain we can hold the fort for you meantime.	Roscoe (6288)
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