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Thread ID: 101370	2009-07-12 22:09:00	Monday Laughs........Take 'em as you find 'em...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
791143	2009-07-12 22:09:00	STORY TIME: This is a story about a Fly, a Fish, a Bear, a Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat. There is a moral to this story...... In the dead of summer, a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream. The hot, dry, fly said to no-one in particular, 'Gosh...if I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.' But below him there was a fish in the water thinking, 'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.' There was a bear on the shore thinking, 'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, that fish will jump for the fly... and I can grab the fish!!' It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich.... 'Gosh,' he thought, 'if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish leaps for it...that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish, I'll shoot the bear and have a decent meal'. Now, you probably think this is more than enough activity for one river bank, but I can tell you there's more.... A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, 'gosh, if that fly goes down three inches... And that fish jumps for that fly... And that bear grabs for that fish... The dumb hunter will drop his cheese sandwich to shoot at the bear, and I will get to eat his cheese.' A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, (as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular river around lunch time) 'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches... And that fish jumps for that fly... And that bear grabs for that fish... And that hunter shoots that bear... And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich... Then I can have mouse for lunch.' The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water. The fish swallows the fly... The bear grabs the fish... The hunter shoots the bear... The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich... The cat jumps for the mouse... The mouse ducks... And the cat falls into the water and drowns. NOW, the moral of the story is............... Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some pussy's gonna be in serious danger! Didn't see that one coming, did you? :D ******************************* The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a poodle sitting next to a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, by gad, you seem to have thrown the wrong bltch out the window." ******************************* Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. ' Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! ' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, ' Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,'Was the other Indian crazy or what?' The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season, when Indian man see cave, he holler ' Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! ' into the opening. If he get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for him. Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, ' Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! ' Immediately, there was the answer. ' Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! ' from deep inside. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening. The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then as he came into a clearing he spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!' He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might ' Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! ' And, like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!' With a gleam in his eye and a grin splitting his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran. The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read................ You'll like this NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!! Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
791144	2009-07-12 22:47:00	Today a muscovy duck mysteriously disappeared from a suburban backyard. Police are confident that they will quack the case. Those who fail in life often pursue the path of least persistence. The high cost of living is often confused with the cost of high living. Time is that which railways make timetables out of to keep their trains on. Holidays are no problem for us. SWMBO decides where we are going, my boss decides when we are going and my bank decides for how long we are going.	Roscoe (6288)
791145	2009-07-12 23:28:00	Billy, your Marine one reminded me of this: THE P'D OFF COWBOY A cowboy is taking a herd of horses to market. After dropping them off he is very hungry and decided to stop and eat. The town is very small and there is only one diner. He walks in and finds only one seat is left. It is next to a nice looking, obviously wealthy young lady. The cowboy sits down in the seat next to her. The waiter comes by and asks the woman if she was ready to order. She replied: "Yes, I would like the breast of fowl. Virgin fowl. Make sure the bird is a virgin. In fact catch the bird yourself. I would like new potatoes, and garnish my plate with parsley. And I would like a cup of coffee, not too hot or not too cold, and if there is any foam on the coffee please scoop it off for me. And oh waiter, please open a window. I smell a horse, there must be a cowboy in here. well, the cowboy was sitting right next to her, and he was thoroughly p**ed at that comment. Shortly the waiter came back with the woman's coffee and asked the cowboy if he was ready to order. He said "Yes, I would like the breast of duck. Fd duck. Fk the bird yourself. Garnish my plate with horse st and bring me a cup of coffee hotter that Texas mule ps and blow the foam off with a fart. And oh waiter, please knock out a wall. I smell a c**t, there must be a whore in here.	Greg (193)
791146	2009-07-13 01:01:00	Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously: "What part did you get? :D	smithie 38 (6684)
791147	2009-07-13 02:04:00	To which she replied "Surely it's his brother. The Lord be praised!"	seltsam (13470)
791148	2009-07-13 02:53:00	To which she replied "Surely it's his brother. The Lord be praised!" No.	roddy_boy (4115)
791149	2009-07-13 22:50:00	STORY TIME: And the cat falls into the water and drowns. NOW, the moral of the story is............... :lol::lol::lol::lol:	WalOne (4202)
791150	2009-07-15 23:44:00	10 LAWS OF COMPUTING 1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you'd least expect to find it. 4. When the going gets tough, upgrade. 5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. 6. To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural. 7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up. 8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions. 9. A complex system that doesn't work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine. 10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.	johcar (6283)
791151	2009-07-15 23:47:00	# 10 seems pretty accurate. :D	R2x1 (4628)
791152	2009-07-15 23:56:00	6. To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural. :lol: ... hear that from my users most of the time.	ronyville (10611)
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