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Thread ID: 101500	2009-07-17 01:24:00	Some literary fun for Friday	Misty (368)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
792311	2009-07-17 01:24:00	For all lovers of good writing, here are this year's winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, (aka It Was a Dark and Stormy Night Contest) run by the English Dept . of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel . 10 . As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it . 9 . Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens . 8 . With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, un blemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description . 7 . Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: “Andre creep . . . Andre creep . . . Andre creep . ” 6 . Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved . 5 . Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store . 4 . Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do . ;) 3 . Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor . 2 . Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word “fear”; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies . And the winner is . . . . . 1 . The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, “You lied!” :lol: :D :D --------------------------------------------------------------------------------	Misty (368)
792312	2009-07-17 01:28:00	The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, “You lied!” :D :D :lol: Going along the same theme... Science Quotes from Kids Beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the 'most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.' __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _____________ You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind. Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand. While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating. South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage. Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime. Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers. In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's. Clouds are high flying fogs. I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing. Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do. Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does. Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water. We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe. Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail. Rain is saved up in cloud banks. A blizzard is when it snows sideways. A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size. A monsoon is a French gentleman. Thunder is a rich source of loudness. Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound. It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. Blood flows down one leg and up the other. Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration. The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas. The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to. A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors. The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is. Germinate: To become a naturalized German. Liter: A nest of young puppies. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away. Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky. Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative. In making rain water, it takes everything from H to O. Rain is saved up in cloud banks. Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man. Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound. It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live in other places. The wind is like the air, only pushier.	wratterus (105)
792313	2009-07-17 01:33:00	Those are pretty bad... But the best opening is... The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.	Cato (6936)
792314	2009-07-17 01:37:00	For all lovers of good writing, here are this year's winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, (aka It Was a Dark and Stormy Night Contest) That year being 2001. The 2009 winner was "Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full moon, when the wind is blowin' off Nantucket Sound from the nor' east and the dogs are howlin' for no earthly reason, you can hear the awful screams of the crew of the "Ellie May," a sturdy whaler Captained by John McTavish; for it was on just such a night when the rum was flowin' and, Davey Jones be damned, big John brought his men on deck for the first of several screaming contests." More here www.bulwer-lytton.com	PaulD (232)
792315	2009-07-17 01:47:00	That year being 2001. Gosh, my sources are slow in getting them to me !! :horrified Misty :D	Misty (368)
792316	2009-07-17 02:14:00	Thats email for ya	Gobe1 (6290)
792317	2009-07-17 02:43:00	Gosh, my sources are slow in getting them to me !! :horrified Misty :D Not putting enough postage on the email...	johcar (6283)
792318	2009-07-17 05:20:00	Not putting enough postage on the email... Hi johcar The questions and answers on this auction may provide a clue ! www.trademe.co.nz Misty :D :lol:	Misty (368)
792319	2009-07-17 07:00:00	Sign = Spam Is Gone Now	R2x1 (4628)
792320	2009-07-17 23:48:00	[I] Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store . :groan:	WalOne (4202)
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