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Thread ID: 101969	2009-08-03 02:51:00	Monday Laughs........Wives, and other B......s...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
797568	2009-08-04 22:38:00	TRUE LOVE An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Darling, Honey, My Love, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, etc.. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, and said: "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said. "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, -- and I'm scared to death to ask the old ***** what it is."	johcar (6283)
797569	2009-08-05 03:13:00	HA! Very nice there johcar :D	Chilling_Silence (9)
797570	2009-08-05 03:41:00	:lol: That one is always good.	wratterus (105)
797571	2009-08-05 07:25:00	Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly 22 miles an hour!", the old woman says a bit proudly. The officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time!" "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 119."	--Wolf-- (128)
797572	2009-08-05 22:47:00	One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. "Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones. "God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!" "Amen," replied the congregation.	Morgenmuffel (187)
797573	2009-08-05 23:53:00	:lol: :lol:	Bozo (8540)
797574	2009-08-05 23:55:00	:lol: Classic.	wratterus (105)
797575	2009-08-06 00:46:00	Obtainable Affirmations 1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. 2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever- soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. 3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. 4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed. 5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. 6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others. 7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self- judgment. 8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all. 9. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me. 10. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.	johcar (6283)
797576	2009-08-06 10:03:00	:lol:!!! God that's good Nigel :D	beeswax34 (63)
797577	2009-08-09 04:06:00	A smile perhaps...... While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 'I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.' The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.' The doctor answers, 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis.' The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.' The doctor replies, 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.' The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.' The guy says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!' The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. 'Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!' Oh, Thank God!' the man replies. 'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!'	Cicero (40)
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