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Thread ID: 102551	2009-08-24 00:10:00	Monday Laughs........Stories with a moral	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
803720	2009-08-26 04:51:00	So people who are scared of flying join the NZ Air Force? Wtf? Remember, without the NZAF the Army wouldn't be able to operate. There's a LOT of good trades and qualifications you can pick up in the NZAF. Some of the top (ie supervisors) aircraft engineers I know that now work down at the airport were ex NZAF. It's easy to say the air force is for those that aren't tough enough for the Army, but then you could also be saying, the army is for those who aren't smart enough for the air force. Not knocking either as I'm enlisted for the NZ Army but just pointing out the air force isn't as crap as people make it out to be. Not gonna start on the navy either...	--Wolf-- (128)
803721	2009-08-26 04:52:00	I know this has been posted before, be it's bloody good. :D A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Karl said,"My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying chooks. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "What's the moral of the story?"asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good,"said the teacher. Next little Alice raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chooks for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is: 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'." "That was a fine story Alice. Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes. My dad told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was 3 bottles of rum, a machine gun and a machete. She drank all the rum on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of ammo. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your father tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay the f*ck away from Aunty Sharon when she's been on the piss."	wratterus (105)
803722	2009-08-26 05:32:00	+1 I was at a large cheap warehouse known for selling crap on the weekend and the sausage sellers were raising funds for some thing for young guys to go to a sort of Pre-Airforce flight training thing. I asked if the point was them going on to join the airforce later and yes it was. I asked why then when there are no planes? They didn't know what to say for that. Bought a sausage anyway...... At a $1 per sos,your generosity is overwhelming.	Cicero (40)
803723	2009-08-26 09:23:00	Love it Cic! :D	beeswax34 (63)
803724	2009-08-26 09:25:00	So people who are scared of flying join the NZ Air Force? Wtf? Remember, without the NZAF the Army wouldn't be able to operate. There's a LOT of good trades and qualifications you can pick up in the NZAF. Some of the top (ie supervisors) aircraft engineers I know that now work down at the airport were ex NZAF. It's easy to say the air force is for those that aren't tough enough for the Army, but then you could also be saying, the army is for those who aren't smart enough for the air force. Not knocking either as I'm enlisted for the NZ Army but just pointing out the air force isn't as crap as people make it out to be. Not gonna start on the navy either... There are some very bright people in the NZ Air Force - a good friend of mine is there, and doing very well. He went through the pre-airforce training years ago (ATC I think it was called at the time - not sure what it's called now).	somebody (208)
803725	2009-08-26 09:38:00	Love it Cic! :D Glad you liked it Bees.	Cicero (40)
803726	2009-08-26 09:47:00	*National security levels * The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides". The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose". Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels . The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case. *And at a local level... * New Zealand has also raised its security levels -from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi". Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the use of the final escalation level. Incredibly side splitting funny especially the german one.	prefect (6291)
803727	2009-08-26 11:43:00	So people who are scared of flying join the NZ Air Force? Wtf? Remember, without the NZAF the Army wouldn't be able to operate. There's a LOT of good trades and qualifications you can pick up in the NZAF. Some of the top (ie supervisors) aircraft engineers I know that now work down at the airport were ex NZAF. It's easy to say the air force is for those that aren't tough enough for the Army, but then you could also be saying, the army is for those who aren't smart enough for the air force. Not knocking either as I'm enlisted for the NZ Army but just pointing out the air force isn't as crap as people make it out to be. Not gonna start on the navy either... Couldn't you see the tongue in my cheek WolfForest22??? :D But truly, when you think of an Air Force, do you immediately visualise transport aircraft? I don't. Air Force to me means fighter jets - sure, the transport guys are there and they do a damn fine job, as do the chopper pilots. But Helen immasculated the Air Force (among other organisations) when she decided to invest in bloody great floating targets instead, and also buying land transport vehicles for the Army that cost a bomb to maintain and don't easily fit inside a transport aircraft anyway. OK - enough ranting - back to the jokes!!!!	johcar (6283)
803728	2009-08-26 11:45:00	I always thought the army was for people who didn't get the point. Bayonet practice sharpened them up PDQ.	R2x1 (4628)
803729	2009-08-26 19:58:00	There are some very bright people in the NZ Air Force - a good friend of mine is there, and doing very well. He went through the pre-airforce training years ago (ATC I think it was called at the time - not sure what it's called now). It's still called ATC but you have to leave when you leave school, step son is in it here and they are all very bright kids that join it	gary67 (56)
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