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Thread ID: 102909	2009-09-06 07:55:00	Dementia	beetle (243)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
807231	2009-09-06 07:55:00	Hi all :) my life recently has been so busy, but right at this moment i am asking for guidence i guess . . . . . . . . . . . . . . from my PF1 friends . as most of you know my dad died last year ( over a year now) and recently my mum has been in hospital . they have said numerous things about her health and one is a stroke and fluid on the brain, heart probs . . . . . . . . . . . . . etc they have also muttered Dememtia a lot . she is sholwing some drastic signs of this disease at times, and also a very short term memoery loss problems . she is no longer allowed to drive, and has had a few scary storys about her driving has come out since stopping . she forgets to eat, and has a huge weight loss, she dyhydrates often . the other day i visited her, and to pick her up, to take her to a family funeral, and she had flooded the kitchen, dining and part of the lounge (open plan) she forgot she was going to do the dishes . i spent ages with shoes off, and pegged up trousers, mopping and mopping . . . . no big deal it was only water, but we were running to a time table to make the funeral . these incidents dont happen every day, she is mostly fine, but now needs to be checked on daily . what i was hoping that there may be some other PF1 people who have been thro this or are going through this? it seems cruel, for the last 5 years of my dads life she was his nurse, company and partner, her focus was on him, and since he has gone her health and life has deteriated . one sibling is ignoring the situation, while my sister and i are becoming stressed and destressed at this, we can see the major and minor signs of this disease . . . . . . . we cannot be with her 24hrs a day, we both work . i am losing the mum we thought she was, she is at times vague and irratic, and at other times my real mum surfaces . . . she is only like this about 5% ( the sick bit) of the time so far, and is still living at home . help beetle :(	beetle (243)
807232	2009-09-06 08:20:00	We went through this Beetle, it is very hard as you say you can't be there all the time when my mother in law microwaved a Pizza for 30 minutes we knwe the situation was beyond our control. One sister denied it, one lives away and couldn't have cared less, one became an Ostrich (burying her head in the sand) my wife and the oldest sister sorted it all out we had already been having home help but at this stage we had to take a very tough decision. Were any of the sisters prepared to almost move in, bear in mind one doesn't work and hasn't for years. No they were not prepared they expected us my wife (youngest) the youngest sister to give everything up. When I put my foot down and told them to pull their heads in they finally listened. We had to put Ma into care we had no choice we couldn't be there 24/7. It was probably the hardest thing we have had to do. She had a couple of years of being just a bit more vague at every visit then a couple of not knowing who any of us were at all. It is going to be hard but be strong, sit down and talk through the options with your siblings. Is she repeating herself lots yet that's real sign. If she cannot manage the small things now how is she going to cope with the big things. If you catch your mum in a lucid moment talk to her then about choices but make sure it is a lucid moment. Good luck you are going to need it	gary67 (56)
807233	2009-09-06 08:39:00	Try this blog Beetle, plenty of information on all manner of problems confronting the elderly and their carers. newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com Also this which is where I got the above link from: www.well.com	zqwerty (97)
807234	2009-09-06 08:58:00	Its really tough Beet, my sympathies. I watched my dad go downhill for three years until he had to go into a rest home where he passed away after three months. Not bad for 90 years. There is no easy way through this. You do need to get your mum assessed by the geriatric unit at your hospital. One of the simple improvement is correct diet. Many elderly do not eat properly and making sure they do, plus drinking fluid makes a remarkable difference. There are medications but they aren't magic, just help a bit. Dosage is critical - half a pill can be too much sometimes. Trial and error. But the really hard part is watching someone who loved and cared for you slip away. Never forget your mum as she was - that person is still inside her.	Winston001 (3612)
807235	2009-09-06 09:07:00	I feel for you beetle. Mum died a slow horrible death. It was her only fear of dying after she had nursed our stroke ridden father for 4 years. She hated the thought of ending up like Dad, dependant on others. If there had been a law allowing euthanasia, my 2 sisters and I would have group hugged Mum and all held hands to operate the device which would give her peace. She was in its clutches, steadily deteriorating for nearly 5 years, the last 2 years of it she was semi-comatose and fed by dribbling liquid food down her throat... bastards!!!!!!!!! We went to our lawyers but as there was no switch to turn off, we couldn't do a thing. As she needed 24hr care towards the end, all her money went pretty quick and for the last couple of years it cost the taxpayer $1175 a week to care for her. Quality of life is far more important than quantity. Then you hear some stupid bastard politician saying life is precious - we all know that intelligence is not a prerequisite for entering parliament. Sorry for raving. My only advice is get help quickly. Look at all the places and if there is ever the slightest doubt, you can take her out and move her to another place. Sort out the legal stuff early as well. Power of Attorney is essential. I suggest only one family member take responsibility for Mum, and no fighting!!!!! All the best Ken	kenj (9738)
807236	2009-09-06 09:12:00	Double post - sorry. Please remove Mods?	kenj (9738)
807237	2009-09-06 09:14:00	There is no easy way through this . You do need to get your mum assessed by the geriatric unit at your hospital . One of the simple improvement is correct diet . Many elderly do not eat properly and making sure they do, plus drinking fluid makes a remarkable difference . Very hard on you, but you can get some help . Talk to your (or your mother's) GP . Assessments can be done and will give you some help, but it is a tragic pathway . Always remember your mother as she was, but get some help for yourself (for both your sakes) . Medications are often forgotten . Resthomes seem a difficult decision, but they are experienced in dealing with this . Start looking for a good one, ask lots of questions . Keep your eyes open as you do this - don't just look for the 'glossy' - look for the caring . Remember people aren't in jail in a rest home, it is just their home . They can still go out with you, visit others . It just means you are getting help keeping them safe, warm, well medicated and well fed . And someone else is mowing the grass and paying the bills! Think about it positively .	R.M. (561)
807238	2009-09-07 01:03:00	thanks people, :) We (my sister & me) have discussed a few of the points raised, one being who could move in with mum or who could mum move in with . and at this stage we cant agree on what would work or not, lol and dont have any great ideas on how to make it work . those of us who have discussed it are my sister and me, both who work, so mum would still be alone a great percentage of the day while we are at work . To the outside world at the moment she seems ok, just a huge weight loss that every one has commented on . she does repeat things often, asks the same things even tho less than 30 seconds before we gave the answer . she seems to be able to do the washing and some house work fine . . . . . . . . . . . . . at times . My sister is supplying her with most meals that need cooking ( my mum on sisters property in a granny flat) and checks on her often during the day . she brings up stuff that is from the past, and gets grumpy with the world, and gets vague . My sister doesnt think she is ready for a home, but then she says we cant afford to put her in a home . . . . . . . i dont know anything about that end of things . Often we have to remind her to eat or take medications, she forgets sometimes if we have made plans with her eg . . . . take her to town, she is found out in the garden, puttering about . she also forgot i went to last weeks family funeral with her, but she seems to think i was running about the cemetry with her . . . . . i think at the moment it sounds worse than it is, but its still a bad road ahead of us, some hard decisions and heartbreaking moments to come i guess . part of the problem is she is 10 mins from wanganui, she cant drive and cannot get her head round the idea of using taxis, or calling for a ride from family . she sits at home waiting for time to go by . it doesnt help she cannot walk far with out a walker or a stick, and often forgets where we are going or why . thanks all life has many twists and turns, some good some bad, at least i can say ive been here / there for my parents when they needed me . and i have told them i love them many times, so im sure they know that . take care peoples beetle:)	beetle (243)
807239	2009-09-07 01:21:00	I don't have anything useful to contribute to this thread, but all I want to say is... Stay strong, beetle!	Renmoo (66)
807240	2009-09-07 01:29:00	Sorry Beetle. Another load of pain to deal with. Personally I have haven't had the same situation exactly but spent ten days watching my Mother die after a stroke. My sympathy goes to you anyway. Not that will help at this time but rest assured I am thinking of you as others are, I believe, on this forum.	Sweep (90)
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