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Thread ID: 102832	2009-09-03 02:32:00	People With Guns And Badges Came To My Door Today........	SurferJoe46 (51)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
806518	2009-09-03 02:32:00	Three officers wearing coats with logos from the ATF (Alcohol/Tobacco/Firearms) gently rapped upon my door and a drug-sniffing dog and a few local officers in bomb disarmament gear were there to escort them. That's a lie. ATF DO NOT GENTLY KNOCK. In a small bomb-proof cart was a package that came from - where else? - New Zealand. It was ParAvion and the bomb dog was yipping softly, wanting to get into the package once and for all. SOMEbody spent $45.36 of NZ money which looks like a lot, but may not be after currency adjustments - to send a package to me that made the airport bomb detectors and dogs go nuts. They asked me if I actually KNEW anyone in NZ, and I said sheepishly: "Yes - several, although not in person - nor can I pick them out in a line up" I added quickly. An agent had a recorder running, taking in the whole conversation in case they wanted to use it against me in a court of law and possibly as evidence in said court. Another officer had stepped back about 30 yards behind the truck, peering from the side and was using a zoom attachment on a video camera to have evidence in case no-one survived what was going to happen next. The made me open the package - S L O W L Y and gently in case it should start ticking, leaking or emitting smoke. The first layer was hard to remove and the officers would NOT allow me to use my handy pocket knife as they thought a weapon in the hands of a potential perpetrator could be embarrassing in their report as to WHY they allowed a common citizen to have access to a weapon of mass destruction. It makes for a lot of paper work that way. Inside the first layer was a box with the logo: "Hyena® 500W ATX12V Ver.2.2 Compliant Switching Power Supply with a 100% burn-in under high temperature" qualifier. They asked me if I knew what that all meant - I said the words were in the King's English and I thought it was a requirement that as a federal officer of the courts that they too should be able to read at least the small words. They glared at me a lot harder now and I heard the rustle of handcuffs being brought from under their coats. After chewing the tape (well done - wot?) because of the knife/weapon of mass destruction thing and several chipped teeth later I got it opened to see there were some articles inside the box - three I thought at the time - and they too were exceptionally well-wrapped. I SLOWLY removed the one in the center of the three and it was wrapped in ANOTHER layer but this time it appeared to be a plastic shopping bag. "We got him now - trafficking in stolen shopping bags and hazardous materials through the mail. That's a felony!" I stared at that guy now - it was MY turn to stare anyway. So far no ticking, dripping or smoke - all was going well. I hoisted the first bagged item to the air and looked at it. "Whatzitanyway?" I asked myself. I peeled the tape "there was 'way too much tape here" I thought making my tooth and gums really sore by this time - it was really well-wrapped in a plastic bag from some market of retailer called "New World". They stopped me at that point and asked me if I had ever worked at, had relatives who worked at or if I had in any other way any association with that facility. I answered in the negative. Whatever it was INSIDE the shopping bag didn't gurgle or jiggle or rattle. Cutting to the chase here, it was some paste-stuff - two jars, one plastic and the other glass (violation of the HAZ-Mat-on -aircraft rules they said) - and one in a handy squeeze tube, ideal for packing in lunches or the glove compartment of your car or in your shoe for a bomb. "Ah! It's just some more of the Upsidedown Land silly stuff in a tube!" said one officer; "We train the bomb dogs on this stuff all the time" "Sorry to bother you - Have a nice day". They left - dejectedly, I feel. How do I use this stuff? It's Vegimite and Marmite. Kinda spooked and my wife says it tastes like salty fish paste. She's the brave one - tasting strange packages from foreign lands no matter if she CAN or CANNOT read the labels. Is there some national food or dish that needs this stuff? Does it go on my oatmeal in the AM? Will it remove scratches from my cars? My piano? Clean the glass and mirrors? C'mon, I need a little help here what to do with it. I says it's healthy and a vegan-thing with no meat or meat byproducts. As a AH-MUR-I-KAN beef eater, I wonder if maybe not even a LITTLE bit of dead animal is in there - it sure smells like there is. Does it need refrigeration? Ever? Do I need to leave the country now? Will it make me sterile?	SurferJoe46 (51)
806519	2009-09-03 02:36:00	Great story Joe! LMAO! Personally I hate the stuff. Apprently it goes on toast or bread. Also good spread on cheese and crackers I believe.	tingle (6539)
806520	2009-09-03 02:42:00	Erayd mentioned on this forum a while back that he eats it with porridge. I personally hate the stuff, though when I was 3 or 4 apparently I would eat it.	somebody (208)
806521	2009-09-03 02:56:00	Joe, It's probably a bit of an acquired taste, but I feel you will come to love it. Spread some (thinly) on hot buttered toast. We experienced ones spread it thickly, but you will find that this will overpower your taste-buds. Who sent it to you? Marmite is actually English, and Vegemite Australian, but both are widely enjoyed in NZ. Family overseas often request these in a 'Food parcel" along with Jaffas and Hokey Pokey. That's another story. ;) PS Doesn't need refrigeration. New World is a supermarket chain.	Richard (739)
806522	2009-09-03 02:56:00	Marmite is the best. Even my cat lines up in the morning to have her piece of toast and marmite. Great added to gravy and stews. SJ, you wll love it!	Bryan (147)
806523	2009-09-03 03:12:00	Good story there Joe. Least you didn't get dragged off your property in handcuffs had it been what they were thinking it was.	convair (13650)
806524	2009-09-03 03:21:00	Spread thinly on thin toast, sprinkle over a layer of cheese, and bake in an oven until crisp. Yummy with beer for adults, with milk for the younger set. They are best eaten the day they are baked, but will keep in an airtight container. They need to be crisp though - if they go soggy, biff them. Favourite food of all our kids when they were at Play Centre (a kind of voluntary kindergarten). Now they are feeding their kids on them, but I kind of like them every now and again too... With beer (I may have mentioned that). Good story Joe.	John H (8)
806525	2009-09-03 03:26:00	Get some bread and place some butter or margerine on it. Spread the Vegemite then get some Cheese and put in the microwave for 10-20 seconds.	convair (13650)
806526	2009-09-03 03:39:00	Joe, with what happens to you in an average week, I reckon you should write your autobiography. Then sell it to Hollywood for the film rights, or one of the channels to make a soap out of ... :lol:	WalOne (4202)
806527	2009-09-03 03:52:00	Get some bread and place some butter or margerine on it. Spread the Vegemite then get some Cheese and put in the microwave for 10-20 seconds. Oooooo yuck. Joe, ignore this philistine. Soggy bread out of a microwave???	John H (8)
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