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Thread ID: 146482	2018-08-12 22:55:00	Monday Laughs - please contribute	Roscoe (6288)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1452628	2018-08-12 22:55:00	This is the only political story you are allowed to read today!! The ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER. This one is a little different .......two different versions ..... and two different morals. OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MORAL OF THE OLD STORY: Be responsible for yourself! -------------------------------------------------------- MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving. TV1,2 & 3 News, and Seven Sharp show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The country is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Sue Bradford appears on Seven Sharp with the grasshopper and everybody cries. The Green Party stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, We shall overcome. Green Party Leader James Shaw condemns the ant and blames John Key, Rob Muldoon , Roger Douglas , Capitalism and Global warming for the grasshopper's plight. John Minto exclaims in an interview with TV News that the ant has become rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share. Finally, to gain votes to win an election, the Government drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to consider how his hard work and preparation has affected the Grasshoppers Mana and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated under the Government Land Repo Act and given to the grasshopper. The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government confiscated house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ants old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared to Australia, never to be seen again. The grasshopper is found dead in a Drugs related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of Homeboy spiders who terrorize the once prosperous and peaceful, neighbourhood. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2018.	Roscoe (6288)
1452629	2018-08-13 00:02:00	MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant has a great idea and also works long and hard, however he is currently paying a high rent to the fat cat and cannot afford to buy supplies for a house of his own. TV1,2 & 3 News, and Seven Sharp show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The country is bored by this and blames the grasshopper for not having made the correct career choices, not having lived out in the open and saved the money from rent. Finally, to gain votes to win an election, the Government tells the news media it's the grasshoppers fault for spending all his money on avocados and lattes and therefore deserves no sympathy. Everyone loses interest. It's discovered later that the ant was given some supplies initially by his aged parents to start him off. The cat decides it's all too much hassle and eats the grasshopper.	piroska (17583)
1452630	2018-08-13 00:20:00	Lexophile describes those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish," or "To write with a broken pencil is pointless" An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. When chemists die, they barium. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore. I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. I got some batteries that were given out free of charge. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. A will is a dead giveaway. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered. He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed. When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end	WalOne (4202)
1452631	2018-08-13 00:28:00	However mixing metaphors, the ant may be very good at feathering his own nest but tries to pay as little tax as possible towards the upkeep of the water reticulation, the electricity power supplies, the railways, the airlines, the road networks, the electricians the plumbers and all the other support workers who keep the infrastructure going so that the Ant can carry on with his industrious activities but act as if it is all his own effort and no one else is involved.	zqwerty (97)
1452632	2018-08-13 00:33:00	It annoys me. It's half the reason my son is buying our place. He earns damn good money. Ans is at work long hours...he is there at 6am and always at earliest till 5, often 8pm. And Saturday mornings. Yet he hasn't enough in Kiwisaver or savings to get the deposit. Look at Hobsonville, promoted as a "first home buyer" place, nasty little rat cages opening onto the street, You can't get one now for less than $800,000. Thats $160,000 deposit. Elsewhere the prices have climbed too, so that doesn't help much anymore, and if you did move, well, there's your job gone, could you get the same pay elsewhere? I have a friend in this situation, she worked for the academic institute for the last 20 years, on good money. Which is why they are now being made redundant. Without redundancy pay. She never had a deposit. So now she loses her job, too old to get another probably, she's 60, in an IT career. So shes going to the sticks to boar with a relative and rot forever more... One of her colleagues, who had been divorced, kept his place, lost it from the same situation, at 60 he couldn't get work either and then lost the house. He killed himself. But no write propaganda stories how all people in this situation are lazy, drug addled, bums. Partying and not working. Its all their fault. My son has enough brains to take the opportunity now, after all, what happens in 10 years, 15? When he's old and can't work at what he does now? He's doing it for his daughter too, at least she'll get a head start when it's her turn.	piroska (17583)
1452633	2018-08-13 02:51:00	Two blokes living in the Australian outback saw a couple of jobs advertised by the Queen of England. She was looking for footmen, to walk beside her carriage. They applied and were very happy to be flown to London for an interview with Her Majesty. She says to them: “Because my footmen must wear long white stockings, I must see your ankles to be sure they are not swollen or misshapen." After they show her their ankles, the Queen says: “It is also important that you don’t have knobby knees, so I need to see your knees too.” Once she has seen their knees, she says: “Now everything appears to be in shape, so I just need to see your testimonials.” Nine years later, when the pair are finally released from prison, one of the blokes says to the other: ”I reckon, if we just had a bit more education we would have got that job!"	smithie 38 (6684)
1452634	2018-08-13 05:35:00	Lexophile? You can lead a horse to water but you can't lead a horticulture Ken	kenj (9738)
1452635	2018-08-13 10:27:00	You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. Anon must have had a brother	R2x1 (4628)
1452636	2018-08-13 23:41:00	Lol R2x1, classic.	zqwerty (97)
1452637	2018-08-16 05:16:00	Yesterday I got my permit to carry a concealed weapon. So, today I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a 9 mm handgun for home/personal protection. When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader! As a senior citizen, I do not get flustered often, but this time it took me awhile to get my pants back on. I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer. :banana Ken :clap	kenj (9738)
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