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Thread ID: 104790	2009-11-08 21:08:00	Monday Laughs................Husbands and Wives...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
828333	2009-11-12 05:50:00	I don't know who Billy T actually is, but isn't it time he appeared in the honours list for services to humanity or something? I agree... Arise Sir Billy!! Ken :clap :clap PS.... If you want to borrow my Corgi (see avatar) to enhance your royal position, please just ask!	kenj (9738)
828334	2009-11-13 00:52:00	He is a sad lad our Roddy,but there is nowt to be done,I am sure . This Add Was Posted to Craig in the Personals To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last . Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A M EST . I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend, threatening our lives and me . You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings . I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message . First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my Jacket . The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason . My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 . 45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening . Obviously you agree that it is a very Intimidating weapon when pointed at your head wasn't it? I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me . [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again] . After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done . Then I Went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card . The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet . [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb . . . after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car . Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone . Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target . The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc . ) . In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you . . . but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime . I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life . Remember, next time you might not be so lucky . Have a good day! Thoughtfully yours, Alex	Cicero (40)
828335	2009-11-13 05:38:00	A couple has a dog that snores . Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help . The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he'll stop snoring . 'YEAH RIGHT!' she says . A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual . The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep . Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles . SURE ENOUGH,THE DOG STOPS SNORING! The woman is amazed! Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies . He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly . The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him . So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles . AMAZINGLY, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly . The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom . As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a BLUE RIBBON attached to his privates . He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red RIBBON attached to his dog's testicles . He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, 'I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE WERE . . . OR WHAT WE DID . . . . . but we took First and Second place . ' Ken ;)	kenj (9738)
828336	2009-11-13 05:50:00	Good joke there Ken.:banana	convair (13650)
828337	2009-11-13 08:06:00	I agree . . . Arise Sir Billy!! Ken :clap :clap PS . . . . If you want to borrow my Corgi (see avatar) to enhance your royal position, please just ask! We are honoured kind sir, and deeply humbled . Use of your Corgi is indeed a singular and most generous offer, but forsooth I would rather have the unspeakable knave Roddy as my serf to do my bidding at my pleasure . Many and fearful are the tasks I would have him perform, such that cleaning of the Augean Stables, a task that taxed Hercules greatly, would seem but a mere bagatelle by comparison, and swimming in the ordure of a thousand diarrhoea stricken camels would be but as sweet as gentle maiden's breath . Sir Billy MT MT MT	Billy T (70)
828338	2009-11-13 08:08:00	I thought we agreed in another thread to eat the Corgi?	Metla (12)
828339	2009-11-13 08:50:00	Watch it there Metla!!! She is a savage wee beastie! :lol: Ken	kenj (9738)
828340	2009-11-13 23:15:00	An Obituary printed in the London Times - apparently not a joke! Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years . No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape . He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault . Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge) . His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place: Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; Teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; A teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition . Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children . It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sunscreen or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion . Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims . Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault . Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot . She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement . Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; by his wife, Discretion; by his daughter, Responsibility and by his son, Reason . He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers: I Know My Rights I Want It Now Someone Else Is To Blame I am a Victim Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone . If you still remember him, pass this on . If not, join the majority and do nothing .	Cicero (40)
828341	2009-11-13 23:50:00	That is a sad fact of life Cicero, and such a waste of a young life	gary67 (56)
828342	2009-11-14 02:51:00	We are having good laughs today . . . . . . . . . ! When will this stop, They want 2 of Their own public holidays, because Christians have Christmas, Easter & good Friday, They force our children to eat Halal Meat Pies and Sausage Rolls from the school canteens, so the Muslim kids can feel more Aussie, we were not consulted about this change, they went ahead and just did it . Our foods are slowly all becoming Halal foods, our cheeses, chocolates even good old sanitarium foods Our Government is ALLOWING this to happen, it has to stop now, while we still have some power to be able to stop it . Regarding Our National Anthem I am sorry, but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Arabic - enough is enough . No where or at no other time in our nation's history, did they sing it in Italian, Japanese, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German, Portuguese, Greek, or any other language because of immigration . It was written in English, and should be sung word for word the way it was written . The news broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even close . I am not sorry if this offends anyone, this is MY COUNTRY - IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP ---- please pass this along I am not against immigration -- just come through like everyone else . Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past -- and LONG LIVE Australia ! PART OF THE PROBLEM . Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone-----YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM !!!! Will we still be the Country of Choice and still be Australia if we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries who have come to live in Australia because it is the Country of Choice?? Think about it! IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT . It is Time for Australia to Speak up . If you agree -- pass this along; if you don't agree -- delete it!	Cicero (40)
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