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Thread ID: 104999	2009-11-15 20:25:00	Monday Laughs................Roddy Memorial Edition....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
830501	2009-11-15 20:25:00	The Bottle of Wine A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Saturday night; and it's a bad one . Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt, God works in mysterious ways . After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers . The woman says, 'So, you're a man . That's interesting . I'm a woman . Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt . This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days . ' Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault . . . women shouldn't be allowed to drive . ' The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle . My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break . Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune . ' She hands the bottle to the man . The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman . The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man . The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?' The woman replies, 'No . I think I'll just wait for the Police . . . ' MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever and evil schemers, so don't mess with them . ********************************* Sindhi Partners Vaswani, Daswani and Mahtani were all close friends since childhood . They decided they wanted to go into business together . Daswani says, "OK! I'll invest $100,000 . " Vaswani says, "I will go for $200,000" . Mahtani says, "All right, I'll put in $1,000 . " Vaswani says, "If I'm putting in $200,000, I'll be the President and CEO of the corporation . You, Daswani, for your $100,000, you can be Vice President and CFO, and Mahtani, for your $1,000, you will be our Sexual Adviser . " Puzzled, Mahtani asks Vaswani, "What is a Sexual Adviser?" Vaswani replies, "When we want your f@#$*&g' advice, we'll ask for it . " ********************************* WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED Men Are Just Naturally Happier People-- One mood, all the time . Our last name stays put . The garage is all ours . Wedding plans take care of themselves . Chocolate is just another snack . We can never be pregnant . We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park . We can wear NO shirt to a water park . Car mechanics tell us the truth . The world is our urinal . We never have to drive to another public toilet because this one is just too icky . We don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt . Same work, more pay . Wrinkles add character . Wedding dress $5000 Tux rental-$100 . People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them . New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet . Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat . We know stuff about tanks . A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase . We don't give a rat's what other people are saying about us . We can open all our own jars . We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness . If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend . Our underwear is $8 . 95 for a three-pack . Three pairs of shoes are more than enough . We almost never have strap problems in public . We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes . One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons . Everything on our face stays its original colour . The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades . We only have to shave our face and neck . We can lift heavy stuff without peeing . We can play with toys all our life . The wardrobe fairy hans up all our clothes . We can wear shorts no matter how our legs look . We can 'do' our nails with a pocket knife . We have freedom of choice on moustache growing matters . If the wardrobe fairy is off-duty, any corner will do . We can do our Christmas shopping in 30 minutes on December 24 . We can't see dust . No wonder we are happier . ********************************* Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . it doesn't matter to me! I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it . ' Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, 'No kidding? I'm a lawyer too . What firm are you with?' ********************************* Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm . He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV . The 10 pm news was coming on . The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump . The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump . " The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't . " Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death . The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "fair's fair, I lost the bet so here's your money . " Bob replied, "I can't take your money . I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news . . . so I knew he'd jump . " The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again . " Bob took the money . . . Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
830502	2009-11-15 21:02:00	The last joke with the blonde is a very good laugh	convair (13650)
830503	2009-11-15 21:14:00	ME: (Not just men) The garage is all ours . Wedding plans take care of themselves . Chocolate is just another snack . We never have to drive to another public toilet because this one is just too icky . We don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt . New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet . A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase . We don't give a rat's what other people are saying about us . We can open all our own jars . If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend . Our underwear is $8 . 95 for a three-pack . Three pairs of shoes are more than enough . We almost never have strap problems in public . One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons . Everything on our face stays its original colour . The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades . We can play with toys all our life . We can do our Christmas shopping in 30 minutes on December 24 .	pctek (84)
830504	2009-11-15 21:25:00	pctek: Lies!	Cato (6936)
830505	2009-11-16 00:56:00	pctek: Lies! The hell they are.	pctek (84)
830506	2009-11-16 01:13:00	I'm pretty sure you've posted the first one before but the rest were alright.	roddy_boy (4115)
830507	2009-11-16 01:23:00	I'm pretty sure you've posted the first one before but the rest were alright. Alive and well Roddy? I did wonder when I saw the thread title this morning!:rolleyes:	nofam (9009)
830508	2009-11-16 08:34:00	Why men are never depressed was very good :D	GameJunkie (72)
830509	2009-11-16 09:29:00	I'm pretty sure you've posted the first one before but the rest were alright. Thought you were going to post your own jokes today?:p Oops, maybe you did, and I'm pretty sure you are wrong Roddy boy, so take your foot out of your mouth and crawl back under that blanket. Seems like you're not finished yet. Billy	Billy T (70)
830510	2009-11-16 09:49:00	you tell him billy!	hueybot3000 (3646)
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