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Thread ID: 105164 2009-11-21 18:17:00 It's that time of the year again!!! kenj (9738) PC World Chat
Post ID Timestamp Content User
832087 2009-11-21 18:17:00 FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company
Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in
the private function room at the Grill House . There will be a cash bar
and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional
carols . . . feel free to sing along . And don't be surprised if our CEO
shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00
PM . Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time;
however, no gift should be over $10 . 00 to make the giving of gifts
easy for everyone's pockets . This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!


Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to
exclude our Jewish employees . We recognize that Hanukkah is an
important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though
unfortunately not this year . However, from now on, we're calling it
our " Holiday Party . " The same policy applies to any other employees
who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day . There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be
sung . We will have other types of music for your enjoyment .
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty


--------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign
your name . I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign
on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore .
How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange,
no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10 . 00 is too
much money and the executives believe $10 . 00 is a little chintzy .
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED .

PATTY

--------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea
that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which
forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours . There goes the
party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of
year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs . Perhaps the
Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the
party or else package everything for you to take it home in little
foil doggy baggy . Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight
Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women
will get the table closest to the restrooms .
Gays are allowed to sit with each other .
Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their
own table .
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the
Gay men's table .
To the person asking permission to cross
dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed,
apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms .
Sorry .
We will have booster seats for short people .
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet .
I am sorry to report that we cannot control
the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that
people with high blood pressure taste a bite first .
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as
dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar"
desserts . Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty

--------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #*%^ Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The #*%^ing Holiday Party


I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!
We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it
or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill
of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #*%^
salad bar, including organic tomatoes . But you know, tomatoes have
feelings, too . They scream when you slice them . I've heard them
scream . I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you #*%^ weirdos can kiss my
*ss . I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!

PATTY


--------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party


I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing
Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards
to her .
In the meantime, management has decided to
cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
off with full pay .

Happy Holidays!
Joan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ken :banana:banana:banana 		kenj (9738)
832088 2009-11-21 21:16:00 Bah! Humbug :lol: wainuitech (129)
832089 2009-11-21 21:37:00 Love that! :lol:

Here is mine, in case some of you missed it last year.

I'm dreaming of a spam free Christmas
with every e-card that I send
may your computers all hum nicely
and your floppies never bend.

I hope that they're all up to date
and they are virus free
and there's a stick of RAM for you
under the Christmas tree.

May all through the day as you click away
your mouse will never get caught
and when you type in MS Word
or in your e-mail program
your letters will always come out right
and not all uʍop ǝpısdn.

Have a good one!

LL 		lakewoodlady (103)
832090 2009-11-21 21:42:00 Bah! Humbug :lol:

Nah.... Christmas is good WT ;)

I have got the good job this year.

www.imagef1.net.nz

Please note... no padding was used in this fitting session.

We had to go and buy another outfit for daughter in law to cut up for putting in a bit of extra room for the old puku. The outfits are only $4.99 at The Warehouse!!

Ken :lol: :lol:

PS Nice one Lakewoodlady ;) 		kenj (9738)
832091 2009-11-21 22:07:00 I was only kidding - I like Xmas, esp if the weathers nice. :D

One thing comes to mind, haven't heard the usual Xmas songs yet on the radio - its about time they started. AND wait for all the movies on TV.

SWMBO found this -- Hmmmmm

A Microsoft Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last minute Internet shopping.

The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.

PageMaker for Billy, and Quicken for Dan,
And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com -

Which has now been re-routed to Washington State
Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.
All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle
To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.

After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire,
With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way

From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens
In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.
The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.

No more dolls or toy soldiers or little toy drums (ahem - pardon me)
No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums
Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS
With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive,
From now on Christmas runs only on Win95.

More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE! Now, CLARIS! Now, INTUIT! too,
Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through,

It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist -
Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.

Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"

And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The whir and the hum of our satellite platter,

As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.
As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.

And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates
Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim in voice so bright,
Have a Microsoft Christmas, and to all a good night. 		wainuitech (129)
832092 2009-11-21 22:11:00 Right o - found the site where that came from - another office one ;)

Office Holiday Memo

To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season

Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).

1. Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)
3. Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."
4. Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.
5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
6. Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday. 		wainuitech (129)
832093 2009-11-21 23:03:00 I was only kidding - I like Xmas
.

I don't.
Lying to the kids about the guy who brings you stuff you ask for if you are good catches you out sooner or later.

Forced gatherings with relatives you don't particularly like is crazy.

Office Xmas dos are even worse. You work there, doesn't mean you want to party with them.

Excessive spending on stuff no-one really wanted to receive.

Us, we just have a BBQ with friends now. Used to be a BBQ with son but he's too far now.
No excessive anything, no excessive spending, no rubbish presents. 		pctek (84)
832094 2009-11-21 23:16:00 I don't.
Lying to the kids about the guy who brings you stuff you ask for if you are good catches you out sooner or later.

Forced gatherings with relatives you don't particularly like is crazy.

Office Xmas dos are even worse. You work there, doesn't mean you want to party with them.

Excessive spending on stuff no-one really wanted to receive.

Us, we just have a BBQ with friends now. Used to be a BBQ with son but he's too far now.
No excessive anything, no excessive spending, no rubbish presents.

Oh Nooo Pctek, you aren't one of these are you? I bet you would melt if your grandchild (whom we have seen .jpg of) was there!!!

www.imagef1.net.nz

Ken :p 		kenj (9738)
832095 2009-11-21 23:25:00 I don't.
Lying to the kids about the guy who brings you stuff you ask for if you are good catches you out sooner or later.

Forced gatherings with relatives you don't particularly like is crazy.

Office Xmas dos are even worse. You work there, doesn't mean you want to party with them.

Excessive spending on stuff no-one really wanted to receive.

Us, we just have a BBQ with friends now. Used to be a BBQ with son but he's too far now.
No excessive anything, no excessive spending, no rubbish presents.

I have to agree with PC on this one it's my least favourite time of year I try and get away tramping for a week over the holiday period, not always successfully though 		gary67 (56)
832096 2009-11-22 00:27:00 I have to agree with PC on this one it's my least favourite time of year I try and get away tramping for a week over the holiday period, not always successfully though

Jeeeez Gary, not you too?

The saddest day of my life was when my olde sister told me there was no such person as Santa.... It really broke my heart and I was only 37 at the time...

Ken :dogeye: 		kenj (9738)
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