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Thread ID: 146661	2018-10-15 19:22:00	Monday Laughs - please contribute	Roscoe (6288)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1454473	2018-10-15 19:22:00	To be sure..... it’s Irish The reason there are so many Irish jokes is because the Irish have a quaint way with words. Murphy arrived home late from the pub, well oiled and ready for trouble. "Is that you Murphy?" called his wife. "Byjasis! It damned well better be!" Two tough union men were working on a building site when Murphy fell from the second floor scaffolding. "Are ya dead?" cried Gallagher from above. "To be sure I am," replied Murphy. "You are such a liar Murphy that I don't know whether to believe you or not!" called Gallagher. "That proves I'm dead," said Murphy's voice from the rubble below, "because if I was alive you wouldn't be game to call me a liar!" Dublin's contestant in an international quiz was waiting for his first question. "First, what's your name and occupation?" The compere asked. "Pass," came the reply. Paddy and Shaumus were hitchhiking. "It's best if we split up," said Paddy. "I will meet you in the next city under the town hall clock". Later that night Shaumus was waiting at the appointed place when Paddy drove up in a swank car. "Where the hell did you get that?" Paddy explained that he had just walked a little way when a beautiful woman picked him up. She drove into the woods, got out and took all her clothes off. "She said I could have anything I wanted, so I took the car," said Paddy. "Good choice too," said Shaumus. "You'd look ridiculous in her clothes." PADDY... "If you can guess how many chooks I have in my bag, you can have both of them." "Three?" ... Suggested Sean. Paddy was coming through the customs at the airport carrying a large bottle. "What have you there?" said a suspicious customs officer. "’Tis Lourdes holy water. I am bringing it home with me", said Paddy. The officer took the bottle and tried some. " Why it's Irish whiskey."! He spluttered. "Lord bless me!" Said Paddy, "another bloomin` miracle." On his way home one night, Paddy dropped into the pub. The barman poured him a beer and asked if he wanted to be in a raffle. "What's it for?" asked Paddy.. "It's for a poor widow with thirteen kids." said the barman. Paddy shook his head, "No good for me. I'd never be able to keep them."	Roscoe (6288)
1454474	2018-10-16 05:45:00	"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school." Albert Einstein. ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Why does a round pizza come in a square box? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ What disease did cured ham actually have? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway... ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ If olive oil is made from olives, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Why did you just try singing the two songs above? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++	R2x1 (4628)
1454475	2018-10-16 05:57:00	Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? ++++++++++++++++++++====++++++++++++++++++++++ Why did you just try singing the two songs above? BUGGER caught :lol::lol:	wainuitech (129)
1454476	2018-10-16 18:58:00	Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? One of life's great questions.	allblack (6574)
1454477	2018-10-16 19:33:00	Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? If olive oil is made from olives, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? I know it's a joke but: Horse oil. This actually is made from horses. Not neatsfoot, or linseed but actual horse oil Used to use it on my horse too. Toasters, well I make my own bread most of the time. You need to turn the setting right up on the toaster. Then, on the occasions we have had shop bread, we find it burns extremely easily and you need it turned right down. And that fluffy cotton wool texture....guess it's just all the additives in shop bread.	piroska (17583)
1454478	2018-10-16 19:59:00	Toasters - the last one I bought was $140.00 from Briscoes as it had flash blue lights. TOTALLY justified the $140.00 bucks! But toasted like crap - took forever. A month later I was staying at a cheap motel in Taupo and they had some rattly toaster which was probably $9.95 at Te Whare and it made perfect toast. Sometimes life sucks.	allblack (6574)
1454479	2018-10-17 01:24:00	Toasters - the last one I bought was $140.00 from Briscoes as it had flash blue lights. TOTALLY justified the $140.00 bucks! . oooh...blinkenlights!!! What model was it?	piroska (17583)
1454480	2018-10-17 02:07:00	oooh...blinkenlights!!! What model was it? The model with blue lights. Mesmerising blue lights ... howthefeckwouldiknowwhatmodelitwas??	allblack (6574)
1454481	2018-10-17 17:56:00	howthefeckwouldiknowwhatmodelitwas?? You bought it...Kambrook? Breville?	piroska (17583)
1454482	2018-10-17 18:34:00	You bought it...Kambrook? Breville? Oh. Make. Ummm.....nah. Would need to look. I don't pay attention anymore coz the relationship ended badly.	allblack (6574)
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