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Thread ID: 146590 2018-09-23 20:33:00 Monday Laughs - please contribute Roscoe (6288) PC World Chat
Post ID Timestamp Content User
1453757 2018-09-23 20:33:00 A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?"... The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Good grief" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
He thought that if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!" 		Roscoe (6288)
1453758 2018-09-23 21:08:00 Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. 		piroska (17583)
1453759 2018-09-23 21:36:00 A SAD OBITUARY
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.
The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.
He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man, and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes. If you smiled while reading this, please rise to the occasion and pass it on to someone having a crumby day or kneading a lift. 		smithie 38 (6684)
1453760 2018-09-23 22:12:00 Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Now that is funny :) 		CliveM (6007)
1453761 2018-09-26 09:49:00 WHEN YOU READ THE FOLLOWING, YOU'LL REALISE ITS NOT US OLDIES GOING MAD, ITS THE OTHER LOT
I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note .
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c. She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don't do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the people at MacD's in Shepperton Vic.


IDIOT SIGHTING 2:

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used that repairman since. Happened in Bankstown NSW.
IDIOT SIGHTING 3:

I live in a semi-rural area...
We recently had a new neighbour call the local council to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
Story from Bauple Qld
IDIOT SIGHTING 4:

My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Castle Hill, Sydney .........

IDIOT SIGHTING 5:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

This happened at Melbourne Airport

IDIOT SIGHTING 6:

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a government employee in the Adelaide P.O. SA

IDIOT SIGHTING 7:

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up
our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried
the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

Holden Dealership Townsville Qld



STAY ALERT!

They walk among us…! And , heaven help us, some of them are breeding!!! 		Neil F (14248)
1453762 2018-09-26 11:11:00 haha, thats a good one! LovelyFrede (17640)
1453763 2018-09-26 21:35:00 A German, looking for directions in Paris, pulls up to a bus stop where two Americans are waiting .

"Entschuldigung, sprechen Sie Deutsch?" he asks . The two Americans just stare at him .

"Parlez-vous francais?" he asks .

The two continue to stare, so the German tries again "Parlate italiano?"

No response . "Hablan ustedes espanol?" Still nothing . Frustrated, the German tourist drives off .

The first American says, "You know, we should learn a foreign language . "

"Why?" asks the other . "He knew four languages and it didn't do him any good . " 		CliveM (6007)
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