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Thread ID: 146580	2018-09-16 23:22:00	Monday Laughs - please contribute	Roscoe (6288)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1453696	2018-09-16 23:22:00	SCOTTISH WEDDING At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death. SEX Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore... A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband. Poor Lance Armstrong - I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong ,especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike! Drive By A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick Bastard!! SCAM I was just scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favourite 18 Holes". Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed. Best Regards, Charlie Sheen So True Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. The Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you've been screwed. Pregnant Prostitute Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?" "For goodness sakes, if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?" QANTAS Paddy calls QANTAS to book a flight. The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?" Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!! "	Roscoe (6288)
1453697	2018-09-17 02:09:00	A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken about sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice." "The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off!"	smithie 38 (6684)
1453698	2018-09-17 04:43:00	The beer drinkers prayer Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the pub, Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us, And lead us not into incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers, For thine is the beer, The Bitter, The Lager. Barmen	tutaenui (1724)
1453699	2018-09-18 00:30:00	A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance . Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties . The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry . Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £5 . " The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie . I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!" "OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me . I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you . If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess . It has all the ice cold water you need . Inshallah . " Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill . Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped: "They won't let me in without a bloody tie!” Ken :banana:banana	kenj (9738)
1453700	2018-09-18 03:43:00	A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Paterson about enlarging her breasts Dr. Paterson advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!' She did this faithfully for several months! To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely b00bs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood up in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.' A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked, 'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Paterson’s? 'Yes I am... How did you know?' He winked and replied, " Hickory dickory dock	Lurking (218)
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