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Thread ID: 105777	2009-12-14 00:06:00	Monday Laughs....I tried to resist temptation, but here's some Tiger jokes...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
839416	2009-12-14 00:06:00	A couple were on their honeymoon, laying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband: I have a confession to make, I`m not a virgin . The husband replies, Yeah, well, that`s no big thing in this day and age . The wife continues, Yeah, I’ve been with one other guy . Oh yeah? Who was the guy? Tiger Woods . Tiger Woods, the golfer? Yeah . Well he’s rich, famous and handsome . I can see why you went to bed with him . The husband and wife then make passionate love . When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone . What are you doing? says the wife . I`m hungry . I was going to call room service and get some food . Tiger wouldn’t do that . Oh yeah? What would Tiger do? He’d come back to bed and do it a second time . The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a second time . When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone . What are you doing now? she says . I`m still hungry so I was going to ring room service and order some food . Tiger wouldn’t do that . Oh yeah? What would Tiger do? He’d come back to bed and do it one more time . The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time . When they finish he’s tired and beat . He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial . The wife asks, are you calling room service? No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this damned hole! ********************************* The Top 10 times in history when using the F word was entirely appropriate 10th: Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass! - Noah, 4314 BC 9th: How the @#$% did you work that out? - Pythagoras, 126 BC 8th: You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling? - Michelangelo, 1566 7th: Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from? - General Custer, 1877 6th: It does so @#$%ing look like her! - Picasso, 1926 5th: Where the @#$% am I? - Amelia Earhart, 1937 4th: Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that . - Albert Einstein, 1938 3rd: What the @#$% was that? - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 2nd: I need this parade like I need a @#$%ing hole in the head . - JFK, 1963 And, the Number 1 time in history when using the F word was appropriate Oh No!!! . How the @#$% did SHE find out? - Tiger Woods, 2009 ********************************* Two BMFs are at a bar talking, one says to the other, "Did you ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your nose runs and you get all teary-eyed?" The second BMF says, "yeah, all the time . " The other says, "why is that?" The second says, "I think it's the pepper spray . " ********************************* A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch . Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground . As soon as he could manage, he took himself off to the doctor . He said 'How bad is it Doc? I'm getting married next week then going on my honeymoon, and my fiancee is still a virgin - in every way' . The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight, and it should be okay by next week . ' He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; an impressive work of art . The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and off they go on their honeymoon . That night in the motel room, she shyly removes her wedding dress and bra to reveal her beautiful breasts . She says to him, 'You are the first; no one has EVER touched these before . ' He immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at this then . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it's still in the CRATE!' ********************************* Westminster bridge, London . . . The Mayor of London has decreed that Westminster bridge will be closed in the early afternoon on sunny days . This is because a strange phenomenon happens when sunlight passes through the balustrade of the bridge, forming a small regiment of . . . . . well . . . . . . see for yourself! Cheers Billy 8-{) :blush:	Billy T (70)
839417	2009-12-14 00:43:00	:D	xyz823 (13649)
839418	2009-12-14 01:32:00	lol @ crate one	Orca (3098)
839419	2009-12-14 01:33:00	LOL, BMF's...PMSL	SolMiester (139)
839420	2009-12-14 04:30:00	I have walked over that bridge a couple of times but never noticed... maybe wrong time of day? :lol: LL	lakewoodlady (103)
839421	2009-12-14 04:41:00	I have walked over that bridge a couple of times but never noticed... maybe wrong time of day? :lol: LL My son in law proposed to my daughter on that bridge... I know he wasn't overcome by the row of wee men, because at the time it was pouring with rain...	John H (8)
839422	2009-12-15 21:47:00	This has probably been posted here before, but it's worth another airing, this being the time of year that it is. Tiger could possibly learn something from this too... Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. He is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.... He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed! He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian' He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son, what happened last night?' 'Well, you came home after 3AM, drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.' Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??' His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone *****, I'm married!!' Broken Coffee Table $639.99 Hot Breakfast $4.95 Two Aspirins $0.40 Saying the Right thing, at the Right time: PRICELESS	johcar (6283)
839423	2009-12-16 04:00:00	Hard to believe that story ... I mean, aspirins only 20c each? :p	seltsam (13470)
839424	2009-12-17 19:00:00	Billy T will recognise this........... A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay , Jamaica . Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple.' The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ,'explained the man. 'We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.' 'We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead. I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong withyou, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you $%#@!crazy?' <mailto:$%25#@!crazy?'> She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's once.' And from that moment on.... We have lived happily ever after.'	Cicero (40)
839425	2009-12-17 22:45:00	Tiger hits a tree and all his roots are exposed.	prefect (6291)
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