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Thread ID: 106491	2010-01-10 22:09:00	Monday Laughs.......First of the New Year...Starts well, ends on a philosophical note	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
847708	2010-01-11 22:47:00	PS, Here's a little known secret: it is now two thousand and ten, 'twenty ten' is no more a number than 'lebenty-eleven'. Past variants were historical anachronisms Maybe if you think of it as a name rather than a number, then "twenty-ten" is as acceptable as "two thousand and ten" - and shorter to say. :)	Tony (4941)
847709	2010-01-11 22:59:00	Baptizing A Drunk A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" "Yes I am" replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk,"Brother have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, I haven't." The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?" The drunk again answers, "No, I have not found Jesus." By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the wate again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds. When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?" The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"	Marnie (4574)
847710	2010-01-11 23:21:00	Maybe if you think of it as a name rather than a number, then "twenty-ten" is as acceptable as "two thousand and ten") That may well be an option favoured by some, but the fact remains that dates are numbers, not names (except perhaps to some women who are not keen on the progression of time, when it becomes "the day we dare not mention"). :D Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
847711	2010-01-12 04:48:00	The Size of It. www.imagef1.net.nz	B.M. (505)
847712	2010-01-12 05:43:00	I cannot remember living through the one thousand, nine hundred and sixties. (That was not totally unusual for those times.)	R2x1 (4628)
847713	2010-01-14 21:18:00	IDIOTS of 2009 Number One Idiot, so far in 2009 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.. Number Two Idiot so far in 2009 Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Number Three Idiot so far in 2009 A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland , walked into the Branch and wrote 'Put all your muny in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland .. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland . Happened in Noosa! Number Four Idiot so far in 2009 A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but he clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got from the licence. They arrested the robber two hours later. Number Five Idiot so far in 2009 A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. Number Six Idiot so far in 2009 Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass... The whole event was caught on videotape.. Perth WA . IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger.. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.. Happened in Surfers Paradise !!! IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' Happened in Melbourne . JUST AN IDIOT : When my husband and I arrived at a car dealers to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.' This was at the FORD dealership Dubbo.	Sweep (90)
847714	2010-01-15 08:39:00	[ Number Two Idiot so far in 2009 Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s . They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home . Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them . It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated . They are no longer employed at Boeing . Not really funny and not true either . There are no Boeing employees in NZ since all the engineering work is done by Air NZ's engineering division or in Australia . Also, you cant "get" a life raft off a plane since it's only deployed in emergencies . I know its a joke and I might be being pedantic but it should be atleast a bit believable .	beeswax34 (63)
847715	2010-01-15 08:44:00	It was translated into Australian. For some reason, it went flat. Funnily enough, they "get" life rafts off planes pretty regularly for inspections. Boeing have a fairly big establishment in Aust. What good it does them I don't know. ;)	R2x1 (4628)
847716	2010-01-15 09:27:00	Sorry Beeswax34 that you did not enjoy. I have no personal knowledge as to the veracity of the material posted or otherwise. I will try to ensure that all jokes published in future are both funny and also true.	Sweep (90)
847717	2010-01-15 10:05:00	Not really funny and not true either. There are no Boeing employees in NZ since all the engineering work is done by Air NZ's engineering division or in Australia. Also, you cant "get" a life raft off a plane since it's only deployed in emergencies. I know its a joke and I might be being pedantic but it should be atleast a bit believable. Instead of breaking into plane it would have been easier to go to life raft bay and get given an timex or drill one.	prefect (6291)
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