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Thread ID: 146707	2018-10-29 04:00:00	Monday Laughs - please contribute	Roscoe (6288)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1455045	2018-10-29 04:00:00	Which side of a duck has the most feathers? The outside. What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has paws at the end of his claws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause. How do poets say hello? Haven’t we metaphor? How does a rabbi make his coffee? Hebrews it. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. Always remember that you're unique. Just the same as everyone else. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying. Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?	Roscoe (6288)
1455046	2018-10-29 07:16:00	The defendant and his lawyer are in the courtroom, the man being charged with theft. The lawyer tells the crusty old judge, “My lord, my client has produced receipts for, firstly, the high speed modem.” “High-speed modem?” questions the judge. “Yes” replies the lawyer, “It allows computers to communicate over vast distances at high rates of speed. It allows email and something called cybersex in AOL chatrooms, your honor.” “Cybersex?” says the judge, “You mean sex through a modem? You mean sex on a monitor? Good lord, the morals of this society! Sex should be a natural event of nature!” “Secondly, my lord,” continues the lawyer, “My client can produce a receipt for the 12-speed cd-rom.” “12-speed cd-rom?” queries the judge. “Yes my lord, it enables millions of bits of information to be read off a small disk.” “And I suppose most of this information is cybersex related ... Modern technology and modern society, baffling, just baffling,” comments the judge. “ I‘m appalled at what technology is doing to society these days.” “Thirdly my lord, my client can produce a receipt for the super deluxe inflatable milk maid, whatever that is.” “That’s the one with the silicone breasts and real hair,” replies the judge.	tutaenui (1724)
1455047	2018-10-29 17:27:00	Fixed that: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of his paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.	piroska (17583)
1455048	2018-10-29 19:39:00	A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon . Four worms were placed into four separate jars . The first worm was put into a container of alcohol . The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke . The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup . The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil . At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol . . Dead . The second worm in cigarette smoke . . . Dead . Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . . Dead . Fourth worm in good clean soil . . . Alive So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?" Maxine was sitting in the back quickly raised her hand and said . . . "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!" That pretty much ended the service!	smithie 38 (6684)
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