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Thread ID: 107926	2010-03-07 20:27:00	Monday Laughs................A list of lists	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
864815	2010-03-07 20:27:00	How do these people survive? ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets . I asked for a half dozen nuggets . 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter . 'You don't?' I replied . 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply . 'So I can't order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right . ' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true . . . ) TWO I was checking out at the local Woolworths with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine . I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed . After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it . Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today . ' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left . She had no clue to what had just happened . THREE A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly . When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy . ' (keep shuddering!!) FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car . 'Do you need some help?' I asked . She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker . Now I can't get into my car . Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I don't know . Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked . 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me . As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries . It's a long walk . . . . ' PLEASE just lie down before you hurt yourself!!! FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift . One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper . What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her . With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies . Brunette, by the way!! SIX A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants . The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer . . . . . . ' Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!' Life is tough . ********************************* The Hormone Guide Women will understand this, Men should memorise it! Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other! >DANGEROUS >SAFER >SAFEST >ULTRA- SAFE! *What's for dinner? **Can I help you with dinner? ***Where would you like to go for dinner? ****Here, have some wine . *Are you wearing that? **You sure look good in brown! ***WOW! Look at you! ****Here, have some wine . *What are you so worked up about? **Could we be overreacting? ***Here's my pay-packet . ****Here, have some wine . *Should you be eating that? **You know, there are a lot of apples left . ***Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that? ****Here, have some wine . *What did you DO all day? **I hope you didn't over-do it today . ***I've always loved you in that robe! ****Here, have some wine . ********************************* Thirteen Things PMS Stands For: 1 . Pass My Shotgun 2 . Psychotic Mood Shift 3 . Perpetual Munching Spree 4 . Puffy Mid-Section 5 . People Make me Sick 6 . Provide Me with Sweets 7 . Pardon My Sobbing 8 . Pimples May Surface 9 . Pass My Sweat pants 10 . Pissy Mood Syndrome 11 . Plainly; Men Suck 12 . Pack My Stuff And my favorite one : 13 . Potential Murder Suspect Forward this list to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh . . . And men who need a warning . And, have some wine . ********************************* APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION, A GENERAL TRUTH OR AN ADAGE 1 . The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow . 2 . Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail . 3 . If you don't have a sense of humour, you probably don't have any sense at all . 4 . Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs . 5 . A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water . 6 . How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? 7 . Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without . 8 . Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? 9 . Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job . 10 . No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car . 11 . There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity . 12 . There are worse things than getting a call for the wrong number at 4 am -it could be the right number . 13 . No one ever says "It's only a game . " when their team is winning . 14 . I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap . 15 . Be careful reading the fine print . There's no way you're going to like it . 16 . The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket . 17 . Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old men and old ladies running around with embarrassing tattoos, and rap music will be the Golden Oldies? No! Say it isn't so! 18 . Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Lada . Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
864816	2010-03-07 20:46:00	Three dolts are in the forest when they spot a set of tracks. Dolt No. 1 says, "Hey, deer tracks!" Dolt No. 2 says, "No, dog tracks!" Dolt No. 3 says, "You’re both crazy—they’re cow tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them.	pctek (84)
864817	2010-03-08 17:56:00	my god, these are funny	jonathan (15437)
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