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Thread ID: 108440	2010-03-28 23:54:00	Monday Laughs......Have a Hallmark Moment.....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
870840	2010-03-28 23:54:00	Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day? My tire was thumping . I thought it was flat When I looked at the wheel . . . I noticed your cat . Sorry! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be . But don't fret about it . . . She moved in with me . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder . . . 'What the hell was I thinking?' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I must admit, you brought Religion into my life . I never believed in Hell until I met you . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congratulations on your promotion . Before you go . . . Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Happy birthday! You look great for your age . Almost Lifelike! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We have been friends for a very long time . Let's say we stop? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm so miserable without you . It's almost like you're here . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congratulations on your new bundle of joy . Did you ever find out who the father was? ********************************* This is mythical and deep . . . truly beautiful . . . A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name . He replied, "She called Five Horses" . The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife . What does it mean?" The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name . It mean . . . . . . . . . NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!" ********************************* Here is a riddle for the true intellectual . Try to come up with the answer on your own . The answer is at the end for those who are unable to think this one through . At the exact same time, there are two 35 year-old men on opposite sides of the earth: One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers . The other is getting "oral pleasure" from an 85 year old toothless woman . They are both thinking the exact same thing . What are they both thinking? Scroll down for answer Don't look down . Don't look down . Don't look down . ********************************* The Last 10 cents A father walks into a restaurant with his young son . . . He gives the young boy three 10 cent coins to play with to keep him occupied . Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face . . . . The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back . The boy coughs up 2 of the 10 cents but is still choking . Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help . A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee . At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant . Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly . . tighter and tighter!!! After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the 10cents, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand . Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word . As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic . Are you a doctor? " 'No,' the woman replied . I'm with the Inland Revenue . . . . ' ********************************* And a final word of wisdom, remember this proverb:- Simplicity: If you can't have the things you desire - be content with what you have . Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
870841	2010-03-28 23:59:00	Nice ones, especially the 10cents lol	Gobe1 (6290)
870842	2010-03-29 00:34:00	agreed	nedkelly (9059)
870843	2010-03-31 04:17:00	Got this today (more black marks against me from Jen, no doubt!!) ****** At last !! A decent chain letter as opposed to normal chain letters/pyramid schemes, this one costs nothing,................. and you can only win. Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates. INSTRUCTIONS: Anaesthetise your wife, put her in a large carton, (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post. Statistically, among those women, will be at least: 0.5 Miss Worlds 2.5 Models 463 Wild nymphos 3,234 Good-looking nymphos 20,198 Who enjoy multiple org*sms 40,198 Bi-se*ual women. In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you. DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER. One guy for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original girlfriend back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter). While I am sending this letter, the guy that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages. YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL. This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women). No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement. Do not hesitate........ send this letter today to 9 of your best friends. PS. - Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner; none of the other women that arrives will know how to use it. PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake	johcar (6283)
870844	2010-03-31 05:18:00	LOL, even if it is sexist	pctek (84)
870845	2010-03-31 11:34:00	LOL, even if it is sexist Methinks pctek has a rather...selective memory :D	Sherman (9181)
870846	2010-03-31 23:14:00	A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh, - - right." the man said. "Just where were you when I got married?"	R2x1 (4628)
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