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Thread ID: 110862	2010-07-04 22:01:00	Monday Laughs.....Blondes again, World Cup, a Surprise, and a stuttering cat........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1115873	2010-07-04 22:01:00	Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before . The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words . She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent . " They throw the switch and nothing happens . They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her . The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words . "I just graduated from the University of Kentucky School of Law and I believe in the power of Justice to intervene on the behalf of the innocent . " They throw the switch and again, nothing happens . Again, they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her . The last one (you know it, a blonde) is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from "Mississippi State University" and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in . " ********************************* Didja hear about . . . . . . . The blonde who married a catholic? On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie, and with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Irish Catholic husband had bedded down on the couch . When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent" . In tears, she sobbed, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! "Who did you lend it to, and for how long?" ********************************* The Argentinian football team is visited an orphanage in Soweto today . "It will be good to put a smile on the faces of people who are struggling, faced the impossible and have lost all hope, said Jama Umboto, aged 6 . ********************************* My Dog I went down this morning to sign up my Dog for welfare . At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare" . So I explained to her that my Dog is black, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and has no idea at all who his Daddy is . So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify . My Dog gets his first cheque Friday . Damn the US is a great country . ********************************* It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood . When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope . At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars . The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures . At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee . She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced . When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice . When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee . As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge . "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you as thanks for your dedicated service . I asked him what I should give you, and he said, "F*&k him, give him a dollar . " The lady then said, "but the breakfast was my idea . " ********************************* Police in Auckland have just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2,000 semi automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles and 4 grenade launchers, plus 20kg of un-cut heroin, $5 million in forged NZ banknotes and 25 trafficked Thai prostitutes, all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in a local suburb . Local residents were stunned by the discovery and a community elder said, "We're really shocked . We never knew we had a bloody Library!!" ********************************* The Stuttering Cat Teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students . Human beings are the only animals that stutter, she says . A little girl then raises her hand and said "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered" . The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to tell the class all about it . 'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!' 'That must've been scary,' said the teacher . 'It sure was,' said the little girl . 'My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff! Ffffff! FfffffF!", but before she could say 'F*&k Off!', the Rottweiler ate her! Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs: Forgot the Insults last week, so here's a double-helping The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is . - - - Helen Rowland Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one . - - - W . C . Fields	Billy T (70)
1115874	2010-07-04 22:15:00	Epic as usual :D	GreacherTech (15784)
1115875	2010-07-04 22:15:00	Brilliant selection today Billy :D Cheers :banana	Bozo (8540)
1115876	2010-07-04 22:26:00	Just to hijack the thread...Nice avatar DemonHunter :D	GreacherTech (15784)
1115877	2010-07-04 22:27:00	One of your best, Billy!!	george12 (7)
1115878	2010-07-04 22:44:00	The Argentinian football team is visited an orphanage in Soweto today. "It will be good to put a smile on the faces of people who are struggling, faced the impossible and have lost all hope, said Jama Umboto, aged 6. Don't get it	pctek (84)
1115879	2010-07-04 22:47:00	Don't get it Poking fun at their soccer team after their defeat in the weekend . Usually it would be a soccer team visiting an orphanage to cheer up the poor kids, this time its the other way round . @GreacherTech: Cheers :D	Bozo (8540)
1115880	2010-07-04 23:54:00	Usually it would be a soccer team visiting an orphanage to cheer up the poor kids, this time its the other way round. Ah I see, missing a bit..... The Argentinian football team is visited BY an orphanage in Soweto today.	pctek (84)
1115881	2010-07-05 01:24:00	It still works if they visited the orphenage. Perhaps they were visiting to get support from the kids :p	george12 (7)
1115882	2010-07-05 01:46:00	Don't get it Yeah it's missing a closing quotation mark so you don't really know where the speaking is supposed to end.	roddy_boy (4115)
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