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Thread ID: 111044 2010-07-11 22:24:00 Monday Laughs......Surplus Disposal - Lot of 10 - Mixed bag........ Billy T (70) PC World Chat
Post ID Timestamp Content User
1117935 2010-07-13 06:08:00 here's another one by spike:

"dad, dad! what's a lesbian?" , "ask your mother, he knows" 		goodiesguy (15316)
1117936 2010-07-14 07:01:00 One for Ga....................


I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever”, I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, but I am not allowed to grant that type of wish.

"Fine," I said, "Then I want to die when England win the World Cup."

"You crafty bastard!" said the fairy. 		Cicero (40)
1117937 2010-07-15 21:47:00 Metrics are measuring up.


• Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

• Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

• Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong;

• Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon;

• 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz;

• Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower;

• Shortest distance between two jokes = 1 straight line;

• 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake;

• 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone;

• 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles;

• 365.25 days = 1 unicycle;

• 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds;

• 52 cards = 1 decacards;

• 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton;

• 1,000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen;

• 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche;

• 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin;

• 10 rations = 1 decoration;

• 100 rations = 1 C-ration;

• 2 monograms = 1 diagram; and

• 4 nickels = 1 paradigms. 		R2x1 (4628)
1117938 2010-07-16 21:01:00 Only in Auckland . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A young blonde woman in Auckland called Suzanne was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself from the Harbour Bridge .

She went down to the bridge and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor named Jim saw her tottering on the edge of the Bridge crying .



He took pity on her and said "Look, you have so much to live for . I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship . I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day . "



Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy . "

The girl nodded yes . "After all, what do I have to lose?"
Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning . .



That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat .


From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn .

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain . "What are you doing here?" the captain asked .

"I have an arrangement with Jim, one of your sailors, who's stowed me away"
she explained "I get food and free passage to Europe , and he's screwing me . "

''He certainly is," the captain said .

"This is the Waiheke Ferry . " 		Cicero (40)
1117939 2010-07-17 11:45:00 Another for Ga..................

Tim was at school today and the teacher asked all the kids what their dads did for a job.

Kids yelled Fireman, chippy, plumber etc.... but Tim kept his mouth shut - so the teacher asked him 'Tim what does your father do for a job'

"My dad dances in a gay club and takes of his clothes for the men.
If they pay enough, he will go out with a man, rent a hotel room and sleep with them."

The teacher sent the other kids out to lunch and took Tim aside to ask if that was true.

'No' said Tim "He plays for England, but I was too embarrassed to say. 		Cicero (40)
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