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| Thread ID: 147691 | 2019-03-10 00:15:00 | Monday Laughs - please contribute | Roscoe (6288) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 1458892 | 2019-05-16 01:29:00 | Old but valid. Two Different Versions.... Two Different Morals OLD VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself ! MODERN VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving. Channels 7, 9 and 10,the ABC and SBS show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Australia is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on the ABC with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's not Easy Being Green.' The CFMEU stage a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' The Archbishop of Melbourne then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake. Prime Minister Shorten condemns the ant and blames Scott Morrison, John Howard, Robert Menzies, Capt James Cook, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight. Tanya Plibersek exclaims in an interview on Today Tonight that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share. Finally, Labor in conjunction with the Greens draft the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and given to the grasshopper. The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the night, never to be seen again. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of African spiders who terrorise the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighbourhood. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in May, 2019. I've sent this to you because I believe that you are an ant - not a grasshopper! Make sure that you pass this on to other ants. Don't bother sending it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn't understand it, anyway. |
Lurking (218) | ||
| 1458893 | 2019-05-16 03:35:00 | If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this! Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?" From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's." |
B.M. (505) | ||
| 1458894 | 2019-05-16 06:43:00 | Beat this you beat me. Some of the comments are brilliant. HERE (www.stuff.co.nz) :lol::lol: To think they run the Country. :rolleyes: |
B.M. (505) | ||
| 1458895 | 2019-05-16 21:49:00 | Old but valid . grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving . The CFMEU stage a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome . ' The Archbishop of Melbourne then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake . Prime Minister Shorten condemns the ant and blames Scott Morrison, John Howard, Robert Menzies, Capt James Cook, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight . Finally, Labor in conjunction with the Greens draft the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer . The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and given to the grasshopper . The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it . . It sure isn't valid . Where have our or Aussies govt confiscated anyones house? Nor do any "lazy" people get given them . |
piroska (17583) | ||
| 1458896 | 2019-05-16 22:13:00 | It sure isn't valid. Where have our or Aussies govt confiscated anyones house? Nor do any "lazy" people get given them.I think your red-neck meter needs calibrating to just tune out this sort of rubbish. |
Tony (4941) | ||
| 1458897 | 2019-05-16 23:01:00 | Expert opinion says that around one third of the population has no sense of humour. Obviously some of that third live on here. | CliveM (6007) | ||
| 1458898 | 2019-05-25 10:03:00 | A drover, who just moved to Queensland from Victoria walks into a bar and orders three glasses of XXXX beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches the drover, "You know, a glass goes flat soon after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cattleman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One's in 'Tassie' , the other one's a 'sandgroper'. When we all left our home in Echuca' we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The drover becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way - orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender speaks to him, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The drover looks quite puzzled for a moment. Then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Salvation Army and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though." A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. |
Neil F (14248) | ||
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