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Thread ID: 147691	2019-03-10 00:15:00	Monday Laughs - please contribute	Roscoe (6288)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1458862	2019-04-04 01:31:00	One Monday morning the postman was walking through the neighborhood on his usual route delivering the mail. As he approached one of the homes, he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Craig, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin. 'Wow Craig, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the Postman commented Craig, in obvious pain, replied, 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?' The Postman thought for a moment and said, 'How do you play WHO AM I?' ‘Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is..' The postman laughed and said, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.' 'Probably a good thing you did,' Craig responded, 'Your name came up seven times.'	Lurking (218)
1458863	2019-04-04 03:50:00	Medical professionals were unable to reach a consensus: Should Brexit take place? The Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves . The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought Brexiteers had a lot of nerve . Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was labouring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted . Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it . Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Pharmacists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow . The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face” on the matter . The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea . Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no . In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the ar . . . . . es in Parliament .	Lurking (218)
1458864	2019-04-04 21:41:00	Husbands and wives 1 . AVOCADOS A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6 . A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk . The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had avocados . " If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time . 2 . WATER IN THE CARBURETOR WIFE: "There is trouble with the car . It has water in the carburetor . " HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous " WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor . " HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is . I'll check it out Where's the car? WIFE: "In the pool" . 3 . STATISTIC THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC , PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS . 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness That's scary . It means 75% are running around untreated . 4 . HE MUST PAY Husband and wife had a tiff . Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you . " Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake . I am coming to live with you . 5 . TODAY'S SHORT READING FROM THE BIBLE From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth . " Then he made the earth round and He laughed and laughed and laughed	Lurking (218)
1458865	2019-04-04 21:55:00	A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives. "Look," he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom wont even be used. The first day was fine but on the second day a coloured guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350".. The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament. " Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging from his waist" her boss told her. She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging from his waist. "Yes "!! she said " He's got one hanging there"....! The boss said "Go back in and give him £3-50......................He's the Window cleaner"!!	smithie 38 (6684)
1458866	2019-04-05 00:21:00	I like that one smithie Ken :clap:clap	kenj (9738)
1458867	2019-04-05 07:12:00	A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6 . A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk . The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had avocados . " If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time . No . This is not a joke . This is an actual thing .	piroska (17583)
1458868	2019-04-08 03:43:00	Viagra	Lurking (218)
1458869	2019-04-09 00:09:00	A secretary received an expensive pen from her boss as a birthday present She sent him a "Thank You" note by email . The boss's wife read the email and filed for divorce . The e-mail said: "Your penis wonderful and I enjoyed using it last night . It has an extraordinary smooth flow and a firm stroke . I loved its perfect size and grip . Felt like I was in heaven when using it . Thanks a lot . " Moral: A "space" is an essential part of English grammar .	Lurking (218)
1458870	2019-04-09 00:23:00	English grammar 9539 9540	piroska (17583)
1458871	2019-04-11 23:45:00	www.newshub.co.nz I want one Ken :)	kenj (9738)
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