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Thread ID: 147662	2019-02-25 21:17:00	Monday Laughs - please contribute	Roscoe (6288)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1458554	2019-02-25 21:17:00	What do you call an imitation noodle? An impasta . How do poets say hello? Haven't we metaphor? Why aren't koalas real bears? They don't meet the koalafications . Sign in a music shop: Gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet . If you jumped off a bridge in Paris you'd be in Seine . How much does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer . Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A: A desserter . Q: What do you call a sad pup? A: mellon collie . A police officer jumped into his police car and called the station . “I have an interesting case here,” he said . “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped . ” “Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant . “No, not yet . The floor’s still wet . ”	Roscoe (6288)
1458555	2019-02-25 22:37:00	Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses . He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed . The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services . He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down . I can help . First, let's make sure he's dead . " There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard . Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me . " So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home . Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!" I said, "£100 and it's yours . "	piroska (17583)
1458556	2019-02-26 05:05:00	A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check . He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi . You know, I just HATE drawing welfare . I'd really rather have a job . I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing . " :illogical:illogical The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent . We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter . You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz GT, and he will supply all of your clothes . " "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided . You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips . This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive . " The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bull-shittin' me!" The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . You started it . . .	wainuitech (129)
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