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Thread ID: 113234	2010-10-11 00:35:00	Monday Laughs......Harold, Hill-Billies, Baptisms, and Catholic Enterprise..........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1143492	2010-10-11 00:35:00	As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world . It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither . Harold Schlumberg is such a person: QUOTE FROM HAROLD: I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?' Well . . . I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine . I do it every day and I really enjoy it . Harold should be an inspiration to us all . ********************************* A policeman spots a huge black guy dancing on the roof of a Ford car . He radios for backup and the Op asks: "What's the situation?" "A big fat black fellah is dancing on a car roof . " "You can't say that over the radio" replies the Op, "You have to use the politically correct terminology" "OK" he says "Zulu . . . Tango . . . . Sierra" ********************************* TH' HILLBILLY DIVORCE A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer . The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces . ' The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yep, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit? The farmer said, 'Yessir, I got a suit, an I wears it to church of a Sunday . ' The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got no Case, but I's got a John Deere . The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer said,'Yep, I got a grudge, thet's where I parks the John Deere' The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer said, 'Hell no, we both gets up at 4:30 ay-em in th' mornin . ' By now the lawyer is getting very frustrated, but tries one last question . He asks, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a li'l white gal, but our last child was a nagger and thet's why I wants a dayvorce . ' ********************************* Three little Boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them . They decided it was because they had not been Baptised and didn't go to Sunday School, so they went to the nearest Church, but only the Janitor was there . One little Boy said, "We need to be baptised because no one will come out and play with us . Will you baptise us?" "Sure," said the Janitor . He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time . Then he said, "You are now Baptised!" When they got outside, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you . " "We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water, and we're not Methdiss, . . . . . . because they just sprinkle water on you . " The littlest one said, "didn't you smell that water!" The other two joined in asking, "Yeah! But what do you think that means?" "I think it means we're Pisspaterians . " ********************************* A man is driving down a deserted country highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye . . . . . . . . it reads: SISTERS OF ST . FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 KMS He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought . . . . . . . . Soon he sees another sign which reads: SISTERS OF ST . FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 Kms Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real when driving past a third sign saying: SISTERS OF ST . FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive . On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF ST . FRANCIS He climbs the steps and rings the bell . The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?' He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business . . . . ' 'Very well my son . Please follow me . ' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented . The nun stops, 'Please knock on this door . ' He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door . . . This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway . . . . . . . ' He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door which closes behind him . The door locks and he finds himself in the parking lot facing another sign . . . . . . . GO IN PEACE . YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST . FRANCIS . SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER!!!! ********************************* Sometimes . . . . when you cry . . . no one sees your tears . Sometimes . . . . when you are in pain . . . no one sees your hurt . Sometimes . . . . when you are worried . . . no one sees your stress . Sometimes . . . . When you are happy . . . no one sees your smile . But FART!! Just ONE time . . . . And everybody knows!! And you thought this was going to be one of those heart-touching stories?? Cheers Billy 8-{) :help: Be kind to me Mods, this week may stray a little close . . . . . . .	Billy T (70)
1143493	2010-10-11 00:50:00	HAHAHA Thanks Billy, gold as usual.	DeSade (984)
1143494	2010-10-11 02:12:00	Good ****. The Zulu Tango Sierra one was pure brilliance.	roddy_boy (4115)
1143495	2010-10-11 02:17:00	Haw Haw brilliant once agian cheers Billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1143496	2010-10-11 02:23:00	Good ****. The Zulu Tango Sierra one was pure brilliance. +2 :lol:	BobM (1138)
1143497	2010-10-11 02:42:00	Tut tut, racism, religious bashing and seriously....having a go at the mentally challenged.:xmouth:	SolMiester (139)
1143498	2010-10-11 02:45:00	Tut tut, racism, religious bashing and seriously....having a go at the mentally challenged.:xmouth: +1	goodiesguy (15316)
1143499	2010-10-11 02:48:00	Tut tut, racism, religious bashing and seriously....having a go at the mentally challenged.:xmouth: I suggest we leave the Paul Henry business in the Paul Henry thread. The jokes are a fixture and as far as I can tell everyone enjoys them, that does not change with views in other areas. So lets let the jokes be the jokes and leave it at that.	DeSade (984)
1143500	2010-10-11 02:50:00	I suggest we leave the Paul Henry business in the Paul Henry thread. The jokes are a fixture and as far as I can tell everyone enjoys them, that does not change with views in other areas. So lets let the jokes be the jokes and leave it at that. :annoyed:	goodiesguy (15316)
1143501	2010-10-11 02:56:00	I suggest we leave the Paul Henry business in the Paul Henry thread. The jokes are a fixture and as far as I can tell everyone enjoys them, that does not change with views in other areas. So lets let the jokes be the jokes and leave it at that. In some regards I agree bud, however this smacks of being two-faced to me!	SolMiester (139)
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