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Thread ID: 147872	2019-05-19 22:09:00	Monday Laughs - please contribute	Roscoe (6288)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1460820	2019-05-19 22:09:00	Want to live forever? Then choose one of these professions: Old bankers never die, they just lose their interest! Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal . Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under . Old printers never die, they're just not the type . Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding . Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip . Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive . Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver . Old actors never die, they just drop apart . My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the lift . I suppose we are raised differently . Q . What did the flame say to his mates after he fell in love? A . “I found the perfect match!” Q: Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop? A: To make ends meat Q: What happened when the frog’s car broke down on the side of the road? A: It was toad away .	Roscoe (6288)
1460821	2019-05-19 23:52:00	9615	B.M. (505)
1460822	2019-05-20 02:13:00	www.stuff.co.nz Reminds me of this: www.youtube.com	piroska (17583)
1460823	2019-05-20 05:27:00	TAKING A WOMAN TO BED What is the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78? At 8 You take her to bed and tell her a story ********************************************* At 18 You tell her a story and take her to bed ************************************************** ***************** At 28 You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed ************************************************** ****************** At 38 She tells you a story and takes you to bed ************************************************** ****************** At 48 She tells you a story to avoid going to bed ************************************************** ************************ At 58 You stay in bed to avoid her story ************************************************** ************************** At 68 If you take her to bed, that'll be a story ************************************************** ************************** At 78 What story? What bed? Who the hell are you? ************************************************** ************************* According to the Office for National Statistics 190,374 people are having sex right now 212,130 are kissing and one poor bastard is reading this.... You hang in there sunshine!!!!!	Lurking (218)
1460824	2019-05-20 05:32:00	Golfers" are wonderful people: A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 999 on his mobile phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying here and you're putting?" "Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second green and he's coming to help you. "Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly. "No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through." ___________________________ A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?" Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered." ___________________________ A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?" The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?" The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray." The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down." ___________________________ Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody > 3-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the woman. "Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?" "I don't know -- put me down for a five." ___________________________ A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?" The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I? ___________________________ The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?" He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"	Lurking (218)
1460825	2019-05-21 07:29:00	Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? -Groucho Marx Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. -Groucho Marx Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me? -Groucho Marx Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough. -Groucho Marx Room service? Send up a larger room. -Groucho Marx >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<+|+>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<	R2x1 (4628)
1460826	2019-05-23 08:12:00	Curiosity killed the cat, for a while i was a suspect. Steven Wright.	R2x1 (4628)
1460827	2019-05-23 10:05:00	And these clowns want to try and run the country LOL yet they cant even get a domain -me thinks they a little behind the times LOL ------ brian-and-hannah-tamakis-coalition-party-with-domain-name-purchase (www.stuff.co.nz)	wainuitech (129)
1460828	2019-05-23 19:29:00	Hilarious:) :) Best joke of the week Ken	kenj (9738)
1460829	2019-05-23 22:00:00	And these clowns want to try and run the country ] Mongrel Mob Black Power Headhunters Destiny Church Uhuh...	piroska (17583)
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