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Thread ID: 113870 2010-11-07 20:51:00 Monday Laughs........Parenthood.....Hollywood Squares..... & a Cow of a Joke...... Billy T (70) PC World Chat
Post ID Timestamp Content User
1150979 2010-11-09 19:43:00 Good as always, Billy . Here's another for you:

After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed . So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children . .

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive . A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10 .

The husband said to the doctor, "B'Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem . "

"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor .

So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can . He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand .

This procedure also works in New Zealand and Australia 		WalOne (4202)
1150980 2010-11-09 20:03:00 Good as always, Billy . Here's another for you:

After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed . So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children . .

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive . A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10 .

The husband said to the doctor, "B'Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem . "

"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor .

So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can . He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand .

This procedure also works in Australia

Here fixed it for you 		gary67 (56)
1150981 2010-11-09 20:33:00 An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but

only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger said, "I am President Obama, the chosen one. The

world needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and

left the plane.

The second passenger, Julia Gillard, said, "I am the prime Minister of

Australia and I am the smartest woman in Austarlian history, so

Australia's people don't want me to die." She took the second parachute

and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated

war hero from the Army of the United States of America ." So he grabbed the

parachute next to him and jumped.

The fourth passenger, John Key, New Zealands Prime Minister said

to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, " I am sure New

Zealanders will re-elect National no matter if I am their leader or

not......... so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute".

The little girl said; "That's okay, Mr. Prime Minister. There's a parachute

left for you. Australia 's smartest woman took my schoolbag."

Nice, did you do that? 		wratterus (105)
1150982 2010-11-09 21:12:00 The little girl said; "That's okay, Mr. Prime Minister. There's a parachute

left for you. Australia 's smartest woman took my schoolbag."

I wish, I wish 		KenESmith (6287)
1150983 2010-11-09 21:59:00 Cicero..............Awesome joke Gobe1 (6290)
1150984 2010-11-10 01:14:00 Here fixed it for you

:thumbs: 		WalOne (4202)
1150985 2010-11-10 02:34:00 I was stopped by the police at midnight and asked where I'm going.

“I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body.”

The policeman asked me, “Really?

And who’s going to give a lecture at this time of night?”

“My wife”, I responded 		R2x1 (4628)
1150986 2010-11-10 04:57:00 * The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
* The TV Evening News is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
* I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
* Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
* Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
* Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of many other successful men is usually another woman.
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
* The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
* Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
* Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
* I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
* Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
* A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 		wotz (335)
1150987 2010-11-10 21:41:00 Fluctuations

I was at my bank today; there was a short queue .
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who
was trying to exchange yen for dollars .
It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked
the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla
fo yen . Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"



The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations . "

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too" 		rebels181 (14841)
1150988 2010-11-11 01:05:00 * To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
So blardy true :p 		Renmoo (66)
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