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Thread ID: 114018	2010-11-15 03:49:00	Monday Laughs..............The Late Show...........Today-Tonight.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1152886	2010-11-15 03:49:00	One Friday John Key announces to his caucus that he is considering a major Cabinet reshuffle and states very clearly his intention to replace several of the poorer performing 'dead wood' in favour of some of his younger, fresher and hungrier members . He signals clearly that he is not intending to reshuffle any of his female Cabinet members, but may drop a few in favour of increasing the number of males in his Cabinet at the same time . He suggests that they all go home to their electorate for the weekend and consider what he has said, then if interested in what he has proposed, see his Personal Assistant at the Beehive Monday morning to put their name on the list for interviews . Come Monday, an up-and-coming MP walks into the PM's suite and says to the PA, "I'd like to register my interest in becoming a member of the Cabinet . The PA replied, "Certainly Sir . Would you please fill in this 'Expression of Interest' form" . He was filling in the form okay until he came to the question, "Are you circumcised?" So he says to the PA, "Look, Question Seven is a bit personal! Is that question really necessary . I mean, is it actually important for the PM to know this?" She answered, "I'm sorry Sir, but if you're circumcised, you're not eligible to be on the PM's short list . " This made get quite annoyed, so he asks "So what difference it would make if I was circumcised?" She replied, "Well Sir, to become a National Cabinet Member - you have to be a complete prlck . " ******************************** The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping . After they got their teepee all set up, both men fell sound asleep . Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?' 'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars . ' 'What that tell you?' asked Tonto . The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets . Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo . Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning . Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant . Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow . What's it tell you, Tonto?' 'You dumber than buffalo shlt Kemo Sabe . ' says Tonto . 'It mean teepee been stolen' . ******************************** An Irish daughter had not been home for nearly ten years . Upon her return, her Father castigated her severely . 'Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?' The daughter, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff . . . . . Dad . . . . I became a prostitute . . . ' 'Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family . ' 'OK, Dad-- as ye wish . I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a $5 million savings certificate . For me little brother, this gold Rolex . And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the Country Club . . . (takes a breath) . . . and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and . . . . . ' 'Just a moment girl, be after tellin me agin what it was ye said ye had become?' says Dad . Daughter, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff . . . . a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff . ' 'Oh! Be Jaysus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant . Come here and give yer old Dad a hug . ********************************* It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild . Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets . When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like . Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared . But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea . He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked, 'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?' The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold . . ' So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared . A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again . 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter . ' The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find . Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again . 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked . 'Absolutely,' the man replied . 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever . ' 'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked . The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign . ' ********************************* Once upon a time there lived a King . The King had a beautiful daughter, the Princess . But there was a problem, everything the Princess touched would melt . No matter what; metal, wood, stone, anything she touched would melt . Because of this, men were afraid of her and nobody would dare marry her . The King despaired . What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his Wizards and Magicians . One Wizard told the King, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured . ' The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan . The next day, he held a competition . Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth . THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE . The first brought a sword of the finest steel, but alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted . The Prince went away sadly . The second Prince brought diamonds . He thought diamonds were the hardest substance in the world and would not melt . But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted . He too was sent away disappointed . The third Prince approached . He told the princess, 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there . ' The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red . She felt something hard . She held it in her hand . And it did not melt!!! The King was overjoyed . Everybody in the Kingdom was overjoyed, and the third Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after . Question: What was in the Prince's pants? M&M's of course . They melt in your mouth, not in your hand . What were you thinking?? Cheers Billy 8-{) :devil	Billy T (70)
1152887	2010-11-15 05:30:00	I was a bit worried about the late Monday for a while, but it has healed up nicely now.	R2x1 (4628)
1152888	2010-11-15 07:30:00	Phew Monday is complete Thanks Billy T	gary67 (56)
1152889	2010-11-15 07:38:00	I liked the last joke	goodiesguy (15316)
1152890	2010-11-15 11:51:00	What's the Maori version of "The Silence of the Lambs"? Eh, shut up ewes!	roddy_boy (4115)
1152891	2010-11-16 00:49:00	Good stuff thanks	Gobe1 (6290)
1152892	2010-11-16 23:50:00	The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path." She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her." The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand. "Yes”, answered the Instructor. "I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”	wotz (335)
1152893	2010-11-17 01:10:00	"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?” And then the fight started! :lol:	ubergeek85 (131)
1152894	2010-11-17 01:52:00	I loved the aborigine one !	Digby (677)
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