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Thread ID: 115386	2011-01-16 20:18:00	Monday Laughs....Talking dogs, women, and a blow job (that'll grab your attention!)..	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1170144	2011-01-16 20:18:00	A New Zealand ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small outback town and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog . He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Aussie 'G'day mate, mind if I talk to your dog?' Aussie: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Kiwi . ' Ventriloquist: 'Well, I'll give it a go anyway . . . Hello dog, how's it going mate?' Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right thanks mate . ' Aussie: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: 'Is this guy your owner?' (pointing at the Aussie . ) Dog: 'Yep' Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?' Dog: 'Yeah, real good . He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the waterhole once a week to play . ' Aussie: (look of utter disbelief) Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?' Aussie: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either . . . I think . ' Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?' Horse: 'Cool' Aussie: (absolutely dumbfounded) Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the Aussie again . ) Horse: 'Yep' Ventriloquist: How does he treat you? Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking . He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the weather . ' Aussie: (total look of amazement) Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?' Aussie: (in a panic) 'Yeah I do actually, that sheep's a f#%*in' liar . . . . ' ******************************** Three men and two women were stuck in an elevator . While waiting for the repairman to free them, they decided to introduce themselves . The first man said, "My name is Bill and I'm a Y . U . P . P . I . E: Young Urban Peace-loving Professional Intellectual Ecologist . " The second man said, "My name is Dick and I'm a D . I . N . K: Double Income, No Kids . " The third man said, "My name is Wally and I'm a R . U . B: Rich Urban Biker . " The first woman said, "My name is Sally and I’m a B . I . T . C . H . : Babe In Total Control of Herself!" They looked at the other woman, "So what about you? What are you?" She replied, "Well, my name is Shirl and I'm a W . I . F . E: Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc!" ******************************** A woman recently lost her husband . She had him cremated and brought his ashes home . Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table . Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him . "Charles, you know that fur coat you promised me and never bought? Well, I bought it with the insurance money . " She paused for a minute, tracing her fingers in the ashes, and then said, "Charles, remember that new car you promised me and never bought? Well, I bought it also with the insurance money!" Again, she paused for a few minutes and, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Charles, that emerald necklace you promised me and never bought? Well, I bought it as well, with the insurance money!" Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Charles, remember that blow job I promised you? . . . "Well, here it comes!" ******************************** An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up . The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things are great and I've never felt better . I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child . So what do you think about that? " The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began . "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season . One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun . As he neared a lake he came across a very large beaver sitting at the water's edge . When he realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature, out of habit he raised his umbrella, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang' . Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead . Now, what do you think of that? " asked the doctor . The 80-year-old said, "Well, if you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver . " The doctor replied, "My point exactly" . Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1170145	2011-01-16 20:42:00	Hahahahaha, Loved them all this morning thanks Billy! There's alway at least this to look forward to on a Monday! :banana	lordnoddy (3645)
1170146	2011-01-19 03:52:00	Confused about all of that social networking stuff - like YouTube ... Twitter and Facebook ... don't worry once they sort it all out they'll all merge >--> to make YOU-TWIT-FACE! Mind you the "older" generation is getting in on the NEW media act - if fact with more older people texting nowadays they have even developed their own code: STC (Senior Texting Code) Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you: ATD: At The Doctor's BFF: Best Friend Farted BTW: Bring The Wheelchair BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered By Medicare CUATSC: See You At The Senior Centre DWI: Driving While Incontinent FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers FWIW: Forgot Where I Was FYI: Found Your Insulin GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low! GHA: Got Heartburn Again HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On? LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out LOL: Living On Lipitor OMMR: On My Massage Recline ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... and Can't Get Up TTYL: Talk To You Louder WAITT: Who Am I Talking To? WTP: Where's The Prunes? WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil	wotz (335)
1170147	2011-01-19 05:26:00	laughed at the last 5. good show.	8ftmetalhaed (14526)
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