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Thread ID: 116022	2011-02-14 01:57:00	Monday Laughs....Philosophy, and Ageism......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1178045	2011-02-14 01:57:00	Live this way: If a dog was your teacher, you would learn stuff like: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them . Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride . Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy . When it's in your best interest, practice obedience . Let others know when they've invaded your territory . Avoid biting when a simple growl will do . Take frequent naps . Stretch before rising . Run, romp, and play daily . Thrive on attention and let people touch you . On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass . On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree . When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body . No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout . . . run right back and make friends . Delight in the simple joy of a long walk . Eat with gusto and enthusiasm . Stop when you have had enough . Never pretend to be something you're not . If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it . Be loyal . If someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle . *********************** THE OLDER CROWD A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office . 'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?' 'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her . There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked 'No Repeats' . ' *********************** An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation . As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son 'yes, Dad, what is it?' 'Don't be nervous, son; Do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife . . . . ' *********************** Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it . *********************** The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for . *********************** Some people try to turn back their odometers . . . . . Not me! I want people to know 'why' I look this way . I've travelled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved . *********************** When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra . *********************** You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks . *********************** One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young . Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable . First you forget names, then you forget faces . Then you forget to pull up your zipper, which is no big deal really, it's much worse when you forget to pull it down . *********************** Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft . . . Today, it's called golf . *********************** Two old guys Are pushing their trolleys around Pak 'n Save when they collide . The first old guy says to the second guy, 'Sorry about that . I'm looking for my wife, And I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going . The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence . I'm looking for my wife, too . . . ' I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate . ' The first old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her . . . . . what does she look like?' 'The second old guy says, 'well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing really short shorts . So what does your wife look like?' To which the first old guy says, 'doesn't matter,--- let's look for yours . ' ********************* Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder, and Your hand over my mouth! ********************* And one more, just to reassure you that I'm not going soft . . . . A tough-looking group of outlaw bikers were cruising the highway when they saw a young woman about to jump off a bridge . They stop, and their leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says . While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either, so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it was a long, deep, lingering, tonsil-tickling kiss . After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had . Do you give head that good as well? "Sure!" says the girl, and proceeds to give the biker the deepest and most sensuous BJ he has ever experienced . When he recovers his composure, he says "you are amazing, that's a real talent you are wasting . You could be famous . Why on earth are you committing suicide?" "My parents threw me out of home because they don't like me dressing up as a girl . . . . . . . " Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1178046	2011-02-14 02:23:00	Ah - almost had a bad day for a second there! Thanks Billy!	lordnoddy (3645)
1178047	2011-02-14 02:28:00	The week can now get started - properly.	R2x1 (4628)
1178048	2011-02-14 03:46:00	last one is a jaw dropper 100% Thanks Billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1178049	2011-02-14 03:46:00	Sorry for late post, been struggling with very strange computer problem! See F1 (shortly), it has been quite a day. Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
1178050	2011-02-14 03:49:00	Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough. Great advice - except the only dog I ever owned (labrador cross) would eat until it burst if you let it. Mind you, I've known a few humans like that...	Tony (4941)
1178051	2011-02-14 04:03:00	Hooray it's Monday	gary67 (56)
1178052	2011-02-14 05:04:00	Great advice - except the only dog I ever owned (labrador cross) would eat until it burst if you let it . Yes and male dogs, some of them, have been known to be rather over friendly with inappropriate parts of your anatomy too . And have incredibly vile ways of attempting to clean the toilet .	pctek (84)
1178053	2011-02-14 05:19:00	Yes and male dogs, some of them, have been known to be rather over friendly with inappropriate parts of your anatomy too . And have incredibly vile ways of attempting to clean the toilet . Man's best friend? LL	lakewoodlady (103)
1178054	2011-02-14 05:32:00	Billy T The biker one and the supermarket ones are great! The rest are typical weak oldies jokes that remind me that I don't ever want to go to an old folks home.	Digby (677)
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