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Thread ID: 116962	2011-03-27 22:45:00	Monday Laughs....Beer, the Irish, and some random stuff............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1189869	2011-03-27 22:45:00	A man is sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you . " She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?" He replies, "It's me . . . . . . . . . . . . . talking to the beer . " ******************************** Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill . One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital . Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick . The nurse says, oh he's out in Rehab exercising' . Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm and the very next day he's back at work in the saw mill . A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw, so Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to hospital . Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is . The nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again, exercising', and sure enough, here's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill . Very soon Mick comes back to work, but, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head . Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital . Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is . The nurse breaks down and cries and says, 'He's dead . ' Paddy is shocked, but not surprised . 'I suppose the saw finally did him in . ' 'No', says the nurse, 'Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated' . ******************************** A Horse, a Chicken & a Harley: On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together . One day the two were having a bit of fun when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink . Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm . Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor . Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley, and finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life . Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him . After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned . The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals . A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle . Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit . The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life . The moral of the story?? (yep, you betcha, there is a moral!) -> 'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks! ******************************** Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze . 1st Hillbilly says: 'My wife sure is stupid! . . . She bought an air conditioner . ' 2nd Hillbilly says: 'Why is that stupid?' 1st Hillbilly says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!' 2nd Hillbilly says: 'That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin' machines!' 1st Hillbilly says: 'Why is that so stupid?' 2nd Hillbilly says: ''Cause we ain't got no plummin'! ' 3rd Hillbilly says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found six condoms in thar . ' 1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: 'Well, what's so dumb about that?' 3rd Hillbilly says: 'She ain't got no dick! ******************************** A recent study found that the average New Zealander walks about 1500 kilometres a year . Another study found that the average New Zealander drinks 100 Litres of beer a year . That means the average New Zealander gets about 15 Kilometres per litre! Bloody good value that, given that we are equipped with an automatic transmission with only one ratio! Cheers Billy 8-{) :) Thanks to Cicero for standing in for me while Mrs T and I were celebrating our 25th Wedding Anniversary with a tour of the South Island . We had a great time and despite the weather reports, the sun followed us all the way apart from a morning's drizzle before we crossed back to the NI . Visited friends at Spreydon who got off lightly with just a window frame damaged but we stayed away from the badly hit areas out of respect for the residents . Did see more damage much further south though, which surprised us a bit .	Billy T (70)
1189870	2011-03-27 23:06:00	Cheers Billy, and happy 25th anniversary	ubergeek85 (131)
1189871	2011-03-27 23:15:00	Some good ones . :lol: And congratulations to you and Mrs T on your Silver . :clap	WalOne (4202)
1189872	2011-03-27 23:49:00	Awesome stuff Cheers Billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1189873	2011-03-28 00:39:00	Thanks Billy and congrats to you and Mrs T	gary67 (56)
1189874	2011-03-28 03:07:00	Congratulations to you and Mrs T. Twenty-five years is a long time, so we are glad that you made it safely. Looking forward to the next twenty-five?:D	Roscoe (6288)
1189875	2011-03-28 03:45:00	Looking forward to the next twenty-five?:D Doesn't feel like 25 years, but then we are just a couple of hopeless romantics. Don't think I'll last another 25, though you never know! Mrs T reckons that if I try to shuffle off she'll kill me, but I'm having trouble seeing the logic behind that particular threat. :D Cheers Billy 8-{) :devil	Billy T (70)
1189876	2011-03-28 05:05:00	Weev been together na for 25 years and it don't seem a day to long..... Well done B.. Welcome back, the pressure was too much, even using your jokes. Cic	Cicero (40)
1189877	2011-03-28 05:35:00	Well my sister reached 25 years of marriage last year and my parents will reach 50 years on Friday this week, don't see any reason why you shouldn't too so long as Mrs T doesn't kill you first	gary67 (56)
1189878	2011-03-30 05:27:00	Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?" The shop assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something, “If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?" The shop assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?" The clerk replied, "Because you're in Bunnings'."	Cicero (40)
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