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Thread ID: 117126	2011-04-03 22:27:00	Monday Laughs......The Scots, Engineers, and Persimmons (Yes, really!) ...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1191777	2011-04-03 22:27:00	One matron to another: "I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the same earrings I wore in high school . " ******************************** A Scottish Romance: A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands and gazing out over the loch . For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus . " "Well, uh, I was thinkin' . . . perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss . " The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek . Then he blushed . The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch . Minutes passed and the girl spoke again . "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus . " "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee cuddle . " The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds . Then he blushed . And the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch . After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus . " "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg . " The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee . Then he blushed, and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again . "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus . " The young man glanced down with a furrowed brow . "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time . " "Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation . "Aye," said the lad, nodding . The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request . Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?" ******************************** Understanding Engineers #1 . Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want . " The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway . " ---------------------------- Understanding Engineers #2 . To the optimist, the glass is half-full . To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty . To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be . ---------------------------- Understanding Engineers #3 . A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers . The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper . Let's have a word with him . " He said, "Hello, George . What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes . That's a group of blind firemen . They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play free anytime . " The group fell silent for a moment . The priest said, "That's so sad . I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight . " The doctor said, "Good idea . I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them . " The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" ---------------------------- Understanding Engineers #4 . What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons . Civil engineers build targets . ---------------------------- Understanding Engineers #5 . The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" ---------------------------- Understanding Engineers #6 . Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body . One said, "It was a mechanical engineer, just look at all the joints . " Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer . The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections . " The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer . Who else would run a toxic-waste pipeline through a recreational area?" ---------------------------- Understanding Engineers #7 . Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it . Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet . ---------------------------- Understanding Engineers #8 . An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess . " He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket . The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week . " The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket . The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one month and do anything you want . " Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket . Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one month and do anything you want . Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer . I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool!" ******************************** A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ . Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation and the very proper church ladies were appalled . They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist . So, one of the ladies approached her about the problem and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size . She warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won't be able to talk properly for a while, and the voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it . The following Sunday morning the Minister walked up to the pulpit and said . . . . Dew to thircumthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday . Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1191778	2011-04-03 22:50:00	Back on form Billy, Great stuff. :clap	Richard (739)
1191779	2011-04-03 23:07:00	Ah, engineers.... Thanks billy.	ubergeek85 (131)
1191780	2011-04-03 23:20:00	Haw Haw i work with 60 engineers, LOL great work billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1191781	2011-04-04 01:26:00	Haw Haw i work with 60 engineers, LOL So lay it on them Gobe, copy, paste, circulate, run and hide! Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
1191782	2011-04-04 01:56:00	To the optimist, the glass is half-full . To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty . To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be . But of course . I said that in an interview once when asked if I was a glass half/full or empty person . it's the correct answer, none of this airy-fairy feelings about it nonsense .	pctek (84)
1191783	2011-04-04 08:24:00	The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic-waste pipeline through a recreational area?" Hahahahaha!	Renmoo (66)
1191784	2011-04-05 23:15:00	check this out www.youtube.com brilliant	Gobe1 (6290)
1191785	2011-04-05 23:16:00	So lay it on them Gobe, copy, paste, circulate, run and hide! Cheers Billy 8-{) not sure if im game enough....they can design some wicked torture machines lol	Gobe1 (6290)
1191786	2011-04-07 13:18:00	A doctor, computer tech and a lawyer were driving on a steep, windy road when the car lurched off the side and plummeted to the ground. Amazingly, no-one was killed. The doctor was the first one up, and said "We need to check for any injuries". The lawyer was the second one up, and said "We should sue the company who built that road for not putting in adequate safety features". The computer tech got up and said "No, no you're all wrong. We need to push the car up to the top of the hill and see if it happens again".	bot (15449)
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