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Thread ID: 117591	2011-04-25 22:01:00	The Day-After-Monday Laughs..........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1197031	2011-04-25 22:01:00	. . Written across the wall of a cave were the following symbols; a shapely female figure, a beast of burden, a digging implement, a fish and a six-pointed star. It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old! The piece of stone was removed, taken to a famed museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. After months of discussions, consensus was finally reached and they called a major conference to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the Society pointed to first drawing and said; "This is a woman. From her prominence at the beginning of this text we have deduced that these people held women in high esteem. We have also established that they were highly intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, showing that they had learned to use animals to help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which shows that they had also created tools to help them in their labour." He went on: "Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish, which means that they realised that if famine struck their land and sufficient food did not grow to feed the masses, they could seek sustenance from the sea. And finally, the last symbol appears to be the Star of David, which indicates clearly that they were very early adherents of the Hebrew faith." The audience applauded enthusiastically, but then a little old Jewish Professor stood up in the back of the room and said, "You are all idiots. Hebrew is read from right to left, and this is simply idle male grafitti! It says: 'Holy Mackerel, dig the ass on that chick!'" ********************************* An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently at the UN, and made the world community smile. A representative from Israel began: "Before beginning my address, I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath!' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them." The Palestinian representative jumped up furiously and shouted, "What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't even there then." The Israeli representative smiled and said:- "And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my address." ********************************* A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady 'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman 'Do you have a vagina'? She slams the door again, and later that night when her husband gets home, she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again'. The next morning they hear a knock at the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it'. She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. 'Do you have a vagina'? 'Yes' she says. The man replies: Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's vagina alone and start using yours? ********************************* Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in the afterlife. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was already badly broken by the loss of her beloved husband. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to her family, she called her Doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The Doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'. Later that night....... Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee. ********************************* A man who hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of the animal by driving him several blocks away from home and letting him out of the car. When he got home, he found the cat already on the front porch. Next day, when his wife went shopping, he took the cat and drove 20 blocks away and dumped off the cat. Upon returning, he found the cat strolling up to the front door. Vexed, the next day he took the cat to the far side of the next town -- over two rivers, a set of railroad tracks, and half way up a winding mountain road, where he flung the cat out the window. Half an hour later, the home phone rang, and his wife answered. "Is that damned cat home," the husband asked his wife. "Yes, he's sitting on the front porch," she replied. "Well put him on the phone, will you? I'm lost and I need directions back to the damned house...." ********************************* A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.' The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut. The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair...and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.' His father replied, 'Yes, but......... Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went? Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1197032	2011-04-25 22:22:00	:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:	bot (15449)
1197033	2011-04-25 22:26:00	Good ones, Billy. And I'm sure no-one minded in the least deferring to Anzac Day. Cheers.	WalOne (4202)
1197034	2011-04-25 22:42:00	Good stuff thanks billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1197035	2011-04-25 23:53:00	Great as usual and it feels like the week has started now, waiting a day really made no difference as yesterday wasn't the start of the week since it was a holiday	gary67 (56)
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