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Thread ID: 117717	2011-05-01 23:56:00	Monday Laughs......NOT the Royal Wedding - Some other jokes instead..................	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1198700	2011-05-01 23:56:00	A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light . The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and strides toward the Officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the Officer calmly tells him of the red light violation . The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the Officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc . in rather explicit terms . The tirade goes on without the Officer saying anything . When the Officer finishes writing the ticket he writes "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket and underlines it for emphasis . He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature . The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for . The Officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you are an arsehoIe!" Several months later they're in court . The 'violator' has a bad driving record and he is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him . On the stand Officer the Officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light . Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?" Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top . " Lawyer: "Officer is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?" "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined . " "What does the "AH" stand for, Officer?" "Aggressive and hostile, Sir . " "Aggressive and hostile?" "Yes, Sir . "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for arsehoIe?" "Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do . " ********************************* A blonde was mowing the lawn in her garden and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat, which had been hiding in the grass . She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to Coles! But why Coles?? HELLOOOOOOOOO! Coles is the largest retailer in Australia !!! ********************************* Following a visit to a house of ill repute, a man discovers a painful lump on his organ, so he goes to see his doctor . 'I'm afraid this is serious,' the doctor says after examining him . 'You know how rugby players and boxers get cauliflower ears?' 'Yes,' the man replies shakily . 'Well,' the doctor continues, 'it seems you've developed a brothel sprout . ' ********************************* A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world . The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity . He called them into his shop: 'I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer . ' He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel . They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off! About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop . 'And how did you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly . 'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said . 'I've come to thank you but, one thing puzzled me . Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?' ACTUALLY, SOME OF US ASK THE SAME QUESTION EVERY MORNING! ********************************* I finally achieved my life's ambition to be a professional fisherman, but then I had to give it all away . I just couldn't live on my net income ********************************* A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift . Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it . When she realises her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says: 'Well, that's great . . . . that's just great . . . . Now some arsehoIe's got my pen!' Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1198701	2011-05-02 00:42:00	Brilliant thanks billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1198702	2011-05-02 01:07:00	:D :D :D Good stuff!	Chilling_Silence (9)
1198703	2011-05-02 01:48:00	:lol::lol::lol: and brothel spouts :lol:	WalOne (4202)
1198704	2011-05-02 03:09:00	Just got this in email thought i would share They dont muck around anymore :thumbs:	Gobe1 (6290)
1198705	2011-05-02 04:33:00	Old. :p	pcuser42 (130)
1198706	2011-05-02 05:36:00	Great reading.:D	Bobh (5192)
1198707	2011-05-02 07:44:00	Love it billy, thanks man	ubergeek85 (131)
1198708	2011-05-02 09:46:00	Old. :p Internet hipster :p Though I can't talk :D	bot (15449)
1198709	2011-05-02 09:56:00	Since I won't bother with the cliche :lol: smiley, I wanted to say, where do you probably get these jokes from? I'm presuming a) a secret website that has all the jokes in the world on it (unlikely), b) those chain letters with 16pt Times New Roman (i've seen those before ;) ) c) filling in the hours at 1am in the morning (like I do) d) make them up?	bot (15449)
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