Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 118179	2011-05-23 05:06:00	Monday Laughs....Connubial stuff (sort-of) the Irish again, and Northern Politics....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1204370	2011-05-23 05:06:00	A Farmer needs to buy a bull to service his cows but has to borrow the money from the Bank . The Banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing . The Farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and wont even look at the cows . The Banker suggests that a Veterinarian have a look at the bull . The next week the Banker comes back to see if the Vet had helped . The Farmer looks very pleased: "The bull serviced all my cows twice, then broke through the fence and serviced all my neighbor's cows three times . " "Wow," says the Banker, "What did the Vet do to that bull?" "Just gave him some pills," replied the Farmer . "What kind of pills?" asked the Banker . "I don't know," says the Farmer, "but they sort of taste like peppermints . " ********************************* Doctor asks a pregnant prostitute . . . "Do you know who the father is?" She replies indignantly: "For goodness sakes, if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?" ********************************* A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with every Fill-Up of petrol . ' Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank with petrol and asked for his free sex . The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10 . If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex . Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close . The number was 7 . Sorry . . . No sex this time . ' A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mike, pulled in for another fill-up . Again he asked for his free sex . The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number . Paddy guessed 2 this time . The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3 . You were close, but no free sex this time . ' As they were driving away, Mike said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex . ' Paddy replied, 'Not at all, Mike . Sure an' it's not rigged at all . My wife won it twice last week . ' ********************************* Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find . After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home . To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine . As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house . Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Murphy couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down . He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language . After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her . She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her . After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded . They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music . They ordered dinner . . . . . After which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing . She nodded, and they got up to dance . They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up . Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed . And you know what? - to this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business . ********************************* Snow White & The Seven Dwarves The seven dwarves always left to go work in the mine early each morning . As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores . Every day, as lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine . One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch she saw that there had been a major cave-in . Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived . 'Hello! . . . . Hello!' she shouted . 'Can anyone hear me? Hello! For a long while, there was no answer . Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?' Just as she was about to give up all hope, She heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, singing . . . . . 'Vote for Hone Harawira . . Vote for Hone Harawira! Snow White fell to her knees, crossed herself and cried, 'Oh, thank you God! At least Dopey is still alive!' Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
1204371	2011-05-23 21:03:00	Better late than never, thanks Billy	gary67 (56)
1204372	2011-05-24 02:13:00	Better late than never, thanks Billy I like to tease a little......... Seriously though, work does get busy at times and I have to shelve pleasure in favour of responsibilities. :( Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
1204373	2011-05-24 02:30:00	That sort of attitude virtually prohibits you from entering Parliament ;)	R2x1 (4628)
1204374	2011-05-24 02:35:00	Works on hold for me, about to become a one arm bandit again tomorrow morning when they open up my shoulder to see if they can turn me into the six million dollar man. Knowing my luck it will be more like the $1.50 man	gary67 (56)
1204375	2011-05-24 03:16:00	The surgeon is the new $6x10^6 man. Yesterday he was another $6x10^6 man. Next week who knows? You'll be a one armed paperless hanger-about.	R2x1 (4628)
1204376	2011-05-24 06:31:00	Works on hold for me, about to become a one arm bandit again tomorrow morning when they open up my shoulder to see if they can turn me into the six million dollar man. Knowing my luck it will be more like the $1.50 man If they can't turn you into a 6 million dollar man, make sure you get the change!! Take an extra suitcase if necessary! Seriously though - good luck with the op!	johcar (6283)
1204377	2011-05-24 10:43:00	Good luck indeed! Don't bother to wave	R2x1 (4628)
1204378	2011-05-24 19:22:00	Been practising the royal wave with my left hand, see you all in a few days	gary67 (56)
1