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Thread ID: 118767	2011-06-20 01:33:00	Monday Laughs.....Sailing a bit close to the edge...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1210709	2011-06-20 01:33:00	Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous. Her mother reassured her; 'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you. 'I'll be down here making pasta if you need me.' So, up Maria went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.' 'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.' So, up she went again.. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!' 'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.' So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!' Her Mama said, 'Stay here and stir the pasta.' ********************************* God Bless Elderly Ladies! Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doingnothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?" ********************************* Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is? A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a morning available when he would take his 7-year old granddaughter for a drive in the car for some bonding time - just he and his granddaughter. One particular Sunday, however, he had a bad cold and just wanted to stay in bed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out in the car. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see how her Grandfather was. 'Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?' he asked. 'It was really great, Grandpa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, f#%kwit, dickhead, As!@n prlck, w@nker, or towel-head anywhere today! ********************************* HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE. George Phillips, an elderly man from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.." George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both." and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" Don't mess with old people. ********************************* And here's a few one-liners to finish............... The gods too, are fond of a joke. - - - Aristotle The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind. - - - Joseph Stilwell There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - - - Jack E. Leonard They don't hardly make 'em like him any more - but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway. - - - Hunter S. Thompson We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault. - - - Ashleigh Brilliant Well, I think we ought to let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind. - - - John Ehrlichman What you said hurt me very much. I cried all the way to the bank. - - - Liberace Why are we honouring this man? Have we run out of human beings? - - - Milton Berle Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? - - - Groucho Marx You have delighted us long enough. - - - Jane Austen You're a good example of why some animals eat their young. - - - Jim Samuels You're a parasite for sore eyes. - - - Gregory Ratoff Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1210710	2011-06-20 01:58:00	I like the edge ... sail a little bit closer ... :devil:	SP8's (9836)
1210711	2011-06-20 02:05:00	yes definitely do but don't fall off	gary67 (56)
1210712	2011-06-20 02:08:00	Good ones Billy. Loved your insults (saved for future use) :D	WalOne (4202)
1210713	2011-06-20 02:52:00	Don't mess with old people. priceless Thanks again Billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1210714	2011-06-20 04:40:00	Don't mess with old people. Loved it, cheers Billy :D	Bozo (8540)
1210715	2011-06-20 05:42:00	This one was my favourite, I laugh every time I read it: They don't hardly make 'em like him any more - but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway. Cheers Billy 8-{) :D	Billy T (70)
1210716	2011-06-20 06:15:00	The old guy certainly knows how to get the Police there in a hurry.	Bobh (5192)
1210717	2011-06-20 06:50:00	Two airline pilots chatting: When did you last have sex? About 1945. That was a long time ago. Oh, I don't think so, it's only 2130 now.:D	Roscoe (6288)
1210718	2011-06-20 15:40:00	One I just found from the GrownUps Newsletter. :) Joke of the Day Courtesy of Istari An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, “I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags!” The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation, got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a carjacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses, curly white hair and carrying a large handgun!	Snorkbox (15764)
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