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Thread ID: 118916	2011-06-26 10:57:00	Monday Laughs.....Earlybird Special, I'm off at 6:00...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1212117	2011-06-26 10:57:00	Here's a truly heart-warming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time . A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot . One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot . The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers . Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot . They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important, and at the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars . The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the Bank the next day to start a savings account . When the girl and her Mum got to the Bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay envelope at such a young age . The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us . " "Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?" The little girl replied, "Yep, I will, if those prlcks at the builders' supplies ever deliver the f$#kn' Gib-board . . . . " Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it? ********************************* A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural South Canterbury . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence . As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing . The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it . " The old farmer Peter replied, "Well sonny, this is my property, and you are not coming over here . " The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own . " The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in South Canterbury . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule . ' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first . I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on, back and forth, until one of us gives up . " The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger, so he agreed to abide by the local custom . The old farmer climbed down from the tractor and walked slowly up to the lawyer . His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the Lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees with his eyes bulging from his face! His second kick to the midriff knocked what was left of the lawyer's breath out of him . The lawyer was clutching his groin, gasping and heaving, when the farmer's third kick, solidly planted on his buttocks, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pat . Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to cimb back onto his feet . Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he dragged in a breath and said, "Okay, you crazy old fart . Now it's my turn . " The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up . You can have the duck . " When you are educated, you'll believe only half of what you hear . When you are intelligent, you know which half . ********************************* A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa . " The father asked, "Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do . " The next day Grandpa died . The father thought it was a strange coincidence . A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma . " The next day the grandmother died . "Holy Moley, thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side . " Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:"God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy . " He practically went into shock . He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office . He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock . He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay . He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound . Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home . When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life . " She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me . this morning . My golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson . " ******************************** A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water . As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today . ' The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink . In fact, this one is on me . ' As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too . ' The old woman says, 'Thank you . Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water pleas . ' 'Coming up,' says the bartender As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too . ' The old woman says, 'Thank you . Bartender, another Scotch with two drops of water please . ' 'Coming right up,' the bartender says . As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity . Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?' The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor . However, holding your water is a completely different matter . ' And now for something completely different: A 92-year-old moved to a nursing home today . He is a well-poised and proud man of smaller stature and even though he is legally blind, he is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, shaved perfectly and with his hair fashionably combed . His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary, and after some hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready . As he manoeuvered his walker to the elevator, the staff member provided a description of his tiny room, including the eyelet curtains that had been hung on his window . 'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy . Mr . Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait . ' 'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied . 'Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time' . 'Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged . . . . it's how I arrange my mind . I already decided to love it . It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up . I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the parts that do still work . Each day is a gift, so as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away . . . . just for this time in my life' . Old age is like a bank account . You withdraw from what you've put in . So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! 'Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1 . Free your heart from hatred . 2 . Free your mind from worries . 3 . Live simply . 4 . Give more . 5 . Expect less . Have a nice day, unless you already made other plans . Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1212118	2011-06-26 11:17:00	The little girl certainly got a language education from the construction workers.	Bobh (5192)
1212119	2011-06-26 11:20:00	Good way to end the weekend -- :thanks Chuckled at the farmer one - ain't that the truth ;)	wainuitech (129)
1212120	2011-06-26 11:32:00	Loved the First on :lol: Thanks for the laughs :)	goodiesguy (15316)
1212121	2011-06-26 21:00:00	The lawyer one was WAAAAY better than the "5 simple rules one"! ... but I totally agree on the latter. Cheers, Billy.	MushHead (10626)
1212122	2011-06-26 21:01:00	:thanks	gary67 (56)
1212123	2011-06-26 22:11:00	wait... So did those pricks ever deliver the gib board? :pf1mobmini:	jareemon (5207)
1212124	2011-06-26 22:23:00	:lol::lol::lol:	WalOne (4202)
1212125	2011-06-26 22:43:00	The little girl certainly got a language education from the construction workers. Considering the language I have heard from kids recently, it's quite possible the lesson was provided the other way around.... :D	johcar (6283)
1212126	2011-06-26 23:41:00	Considering the language I have heard from kids recently, it's quite possible the lesson was provided the other way around.... :D You could be right there. I do think that kids today tend to copy language used on American TV and movies.	Bobh (5192)
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