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Thread ID: 119074 2011-07-03 22:38:00 Monday Laughs.....New Stock at Old Prices........... Billy T (70) PC World Chat
Post ID Timestamp Content User
1214451 2011-07-03 22:38:00 So why did the English wear red coats in battle???

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war, and during one battle, the French captured an English Colonel . They took him to their headquarters where a French General interrogated him for several hours .

Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the officer informed the General that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic .

And that is why, from that day to this, all French Army officers wear brown trousers .

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A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100 . 00 . The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day . Come morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, your donkey died last night . "

Kenny replied: "Well then, just give me my money back . "

The farmer said: "Can't do that . I went and spent it already . "

Kenny said: "OK then, just unload the donkey . "

The farmer asked: "What ya gonna do with him?"

Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off . "

Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny: "Sure I can . Watch me . I just won't tell anybody he's dead . "

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Kenny: "I raffled him off like I said I would . I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898 . 00 . "

Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kenny: "Just the guy who won . So I gave him back his two dollars . "

Kenny grew up, changed his name, went into Banking and eventually founded Bernard L . Madoff Investment Securities . . . . . . . . .

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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales . The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small .

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale .

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible .

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah' .

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him' .

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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing . She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work .

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was . The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God . '

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like . '

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute . '

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds . After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

From the back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill . '

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Every Monday morning, Jabu walked into class with a black eye .

After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it .

Jabu's answer was: "Our house is very small miss, so me, my mother and my father, we sleep on the same bed .

Every Saturday night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?'

I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye . "

So the teacher says to him, "Next Saturday when your father asks again, lie very still and don't answer" . The following Monday morning Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief .

But the Monday after that, Jabu comes back with a severe black eye again .

"My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"

He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again, 'Jabu are you sleeping? . . . and I shut up and kept dead still .

Then my father and my mother started moving at the same time on the bed . Mom was breathing funny, kicking her legs up the air and squealing like a demented hyena " . . .

Then my father asks my mother: 'Are you coming?'

Then my mom says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes' .

They don't usually go anywhere on the weekend without me, so I said 'Wait for me . . . I want to come with you . . . . . . .


Cheers

Billy 8-{) :) 		Billy T (70)
1214452 2011-07-03 23:03:00 I love the short jokes, not so much reading.

Loved the joke about the red coats.:D 		Bobh (5192)
1214453 2011-07-03 23:54:00 Cheers again Billy, fantastic way to start the week :D Bozo (8540)
1214454 2011-07-04 00:17:00 I love the short jokes, not so much reading .

Jokes available to suit all attention spans and prejudice levels .

Don't want anybody caught in an endless loop because by the time they get to the end they've forgotten the beginning and have to start again . . . . . . . . . . . . . :D

Cheers

Billy 8-{) :devil 		Billy T (70)
1214455 2011-07-04 00:41:00 Love that last one gary67 (56)
1214456 2011-07-04 12:47:00 A SQL Injection walks into a bar, starts to quote something but stops, drops a table, then dashes out. bot (15449)
1214457 2011-07-04 13:10:00 :D Great stuff Billy, laughed at them all. :thumbs: Iantech (16386)
1214458 2011-07-04 21:10:00 A SQL Injection walks into a bar, starts to quote something but stops, drops a table, then dashes out.

On similar note:

A UDP packet walked into a bar, and the bartender doesn't acknowledge him. 		Bozo (8540)
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