Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 119342	2011-07-18 05:12:00	Monday Laughs.....Better late than never, been busy lately...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1217464	2011-07-18 05:12:00	A woman in Wellington decided to prepare her Will and make her final arrangements. She told her Priest she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered all over the roof of Kircaldie & Staines. "Why Kircaldie & Staines?" asked the Priest. "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week." ******************************** An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up golf so he puts his name down at the local club. After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned down, so off he goes down to the club to ask the reason why! Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club? Scot: Aye, and I am as Scottish as ye are Jock. Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts. Scot: Aye, so do I. Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts? Scot: Aye, neither do I. Secretary: But you are a Jew? Scot: Aye, I be that. Secretary: So you are circumcised? Scot: Aye, I be that too. Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that. Scot: Och, away with ye, I ken ye have tae be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen, and I ken ye have tae be a Catholic tae becoom a Knight of Saint Columba, but this is the first time I ever heard ye had tae be a complete prick tae join a golf club. ********************************* One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?' ********************************* The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room piped up, 'And that was our teacher, she's dead.' Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1217465	2011-07-18 05:15:00	The New Zoo Keeper (a groaner for the Poms here) A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything. Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything.. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure. He moves on to the last job which is o collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything. Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to the other lions and says "What's the food like here?" The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees!"	johcar (6283)
1217466	2011-07-18 09:02:00	Be careful what you purchase on Trade me Spent $50 on a penis enlarger. Bastards sent me a magnifying glass. Instructions said don’t use in the sunlight.	tutaenui (1724)
1217467	2011-07-18 09:14:00	Be careful what you purchase on Trade me Spent $50 on a penis enlarger. Bastards sent me a magnifying glass. Instructions said don’t use in the sunlight. Is this...........erm............appropriate?	bot (15449)
1217468	2011-07-18 09:16:00	Is this...........erm............appropriate? No. $50 is WAY too much to pay for a magnifying glass!	johcar (6283)
1217469	2011-07-18 11:05:00	The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees!" My Kind of joke! Just love it. Cheers Billy 8-{) :D	Billy T (70)
1217470	2011-07-18 11:09:00	Is this...........erm............appropriate? We are allowed small freedoms here, so long as it's tasteful-ish. There's always the 'report post' button if you feel it's poor taste.	ubergeek85 (131)
1217471	2011-07-18 11:24:00	We are allowed small freedoms here, so long as it's tasteful-ish. There's always the 'report post' button if you feel it's poor taste. It wasn't an issue of taste, just since this is a "family forum" (and I have poor rating skills)...	bot (15449)
1217472	2011-07-18 13:42:00	Anyone who has an email address is getting spam with the same type of sentences relating to 'enlargement' aren't they?	zqwerty (97)
1217473	2011-07-18 20:50:00	Anyone who has an email address is getting spam with the same type of sentences relating to 'enlargement' aren't they? Nope	gary67 (56)
1 2