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Thread ID: 119468	2011-07-24 23:01:00	Monday Laughs.....End of month sale of surplus stock...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1218867	2011-07-24 23:01:00	A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood . Trying to make the matter clearer, she said: 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face . ' 'Yes,' the class said . 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet aren't empty . ' ********************************* The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch . At the head of the table was a large pile of apples . The nun made a note, and posted it on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching . ' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies . A child had written a note, 'Take as many as you want, God is busy watching the apples . ' ********************************* The Importance of Walking: * Walking can add minutes to your life for every day that you exercise . This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $2,000 per month . * My grandpa started walking ten kilometres a day when he was 60 . Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is . * I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me . * The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again . * I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing . . . ********************************* Weight Loss Tips: * I joined a Weight-Loss club last year . Costs me about 250 bucks every six months but I haven't lost a pound . Apparently you have to go there! * Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate . * My wife has flabby thighs, but fortunately her stomach covers them . * The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say: 'Well, he looks good doesn't he . ' * If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country . Exercise Factoids: * I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, . . . . . . just getting over the hill . * I help my wife lose weight by staying out late at night . She gets plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions . * We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads . That's my story and I'm sticking to it . Psychic Weight Loss: Every time I start thinking too much about my weight when I look in the mirror, I go find a pub with a Happy Hour and by the time I get home again, I look just fine . You could run this over to your friends, but just e-mail it to them! It will save you the walk! ******************************** 'Out of Office' Email Responses for the Christmas break . . . 1 . I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position . Please be prepared for my mood . 2 . You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office . If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all . 3 . Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team . 4 . I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation . Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received . 5 . Thank you for your email . Your credit card has been charged $9 . 99 for the first 10 words, and $1 . 99 for each additional word in your message . 6 . The email server is unable to verify your server connection . Your message has not been delivered . Please restart your computer and try sending again . (The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over . . . . . . . . ) 7 . Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system . You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks . 8 . Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me . Please wait by your PC for my response . 9 . I've run away to join a different circus . 10 . I will be out of the office for the next two months for medical reasons . When I return, please refer to me as 'Stephanie' instead of Steve . Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1218868	2011-07-24 23:30:00	:punk:clap thanks Billy like them as always	gary67 (56)
1218869	2011-07-25 06:26:00	6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over........) :D	bot (15449)
1218870	2011-07-25 06:42:00	Good stuff Billy. Thanks again	Gobe1 (6290)
1218871	2011-07-25 07:34:00	Thanks Billy :) :pf1mobmini:	WalOne (4202)
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