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Thread ID: 119746	2011-08-08 00:13:00	Monday Laughs.........The blonde wins, the US banking crisis, and other fairy tales.	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1221562	2011-08-08 00:13:00	A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe and placed his order . He said 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards . ' The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards . . . . . . What does he think this place is an auto parts store?' 'No,' the cook said . 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights is two eggs, sunny side up; and a pair of running boards . . . are two slices of crisp bacon!' 'Oh . . . ok!' said the blonde . She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and took it to the customer . The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?' 'She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up! FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!!!!! ********************************* A man goes to a public golf course . He approaches the man behind the counter in the Pro-Shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie please . " The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course . What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies . If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today . " The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer . He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job . " The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "No sir . Use your 3 wood . A driver is far too much club for this hole . " Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green . The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance . As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right . " The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir . I do believe this green will break right to left . " Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine . He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice, but his luck didn't end there . His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie . Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "So how was your game?" The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played . Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots . See you next week . " A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the Pro-Shop . Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please . " The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem . However, we had to get rid of the robots . We had too many complaints . " "COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible" The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance . It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fairway . " The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?" The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did . . . . Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them held up the Pro-Shop, and the other thinks he's the President . . . . " ********************************* Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come . He called in the doctor and he began to deliver the baby She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said . 'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son, 'ain't dat grand?' Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet!' The doctor then delivered a little girl . He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter!!!! She is a pretty lil 'ting, too . . . . ' Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we ain't got done yet!' He then delivered another boy and said, Murph, you just had yourself another boy!' Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies?' The doctor said, 'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception . ' Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception . ' When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, 'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil . ' She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night . . . ' Murph said, 'I'll tell you, . . . . . . it's a fookin' good ting we didn't use dat WD-40 stuff . ********************************* US BANKING CRISIS: If the global financial crisis continues at the present rate, by the end of this year only two banks will be left operational . . . the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank . Then before you know it, those two will merge as well, and the whole place will be overrun by bloody w@nkers! ********************************* Ed and his wife Norma go to the state fair every year, and every year Ed would say, "Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter" Norma always replied, "I know Ed, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks!" One year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said, "Norma, I'm 75 years old . If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance . " To this, Norma replied, "Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks" The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal . I'll take the both of you for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny, but if you say one word it's fifty dollars . " Ed and Norma agreed and up they went . The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvers, but not a word was heard . He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word . . . When they landed, the pilot turned to Ed and said, "by golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't . I'm impressed!" Ed replied, "well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Norma fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks . Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1221563	2011-08-08 00:30:00	Haw Haw good ones Thanks Billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1221564	2011-08-08 01:50:00	Thanks Billy made my day as usual	gary67 (56)
1221565	2011-08-08 02:13:00	Good laughs :lol::D	Bobh (5192)
1221566	2011-08-08 02:27:00	:thanks :lol::lol:	WalOne (4202)
1221567	2011-08-08 08:59:00	Well done Billy.	mikebartnz (21)
1221568	2011-08-09 05:18:00	LMFAO, some classics in there :)	goodiesguy (15316)
1221569	2011-08-09 13:45:00	I think this has already been posted, but I just re-discovered it so I'll post it: www.damnlol.com	Agent_24 (57)
1221570	2011-08-09 22:40:00	In keeping with B; s thoughts, as usual I should have seen this sooner. It's the shampoo I use in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body. Printed very clearly on the shampoo label it reads, "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY." I have binned the shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish detergent. Its label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE." Problem solved! Geeze! It sure pays to read the label!	Cicero (40)
1221571	2011-08-10 00:42:00	I think this has already been posted, but I just re-discovered it so I'll post it: www.damnlol.com That link pops up sequential MWB warnings here. :confused: Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
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