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Thread ID: 120327	2011-09-04 04:02:00	Kalula Airlines	SurferJoe46 (51)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1228589	2011-09-04 04:02:00	Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining . Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!" On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights . This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants . " On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings . . If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have . " "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane . " "Thank you for flying Kulula . We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride . " As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella . WHOA!" After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as Hell everything has shifted . " From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight . It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised . " "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling . Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face . If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs . If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite . " Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive . Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines . " "Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments . " "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings . Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants . Please do not leave children or spouses . . " And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry . Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!" Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking . I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt . " Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it . After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!" Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal . " An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard . The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline . " He added, "In light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment . " Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane . She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot . "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?" After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate . And, once the tyre smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal . . " Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today . . And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways . " Heard on a Kulula flight . "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing . . If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em . "	SurferJoe46 (51)
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