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Thread ID: 121404	2011-10-24 21:52:00	Monday Laughs:..Tuesday Edition....... man that was some hangover...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1239615	2011-10-24 21:52:00	. . . Two cattle drovers were standing in an Outback bar. One asked, "What are ya up to, mate?" "Ahh, I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie." "Oh yeah .. and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus ... after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought" ******************************* It was coming to the end of the day and sitting in his tiny near deserted local pub in Mt. Isa was an Aboriginal called Cactus. He was having a few beers as usual, when a short well dressed and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or four beers, the gay man leaned over towards Cactus and whispered, "Do you want a blow job?" Cactus leaped up with fire in his eyes knocked the gay man off his stool and smacked the shlt out of him. He dragged him out of the bar and left him in the car park, battered bruised and bleeding, then he returned to his seat at the bar. Not entirely surprised at what just happened the barman quickly brought over another beer to Cactus and said, "I've never seen you react as badly as that before, what did he say to you?" "I don't know," Cactus replied...... "Something about a job." ***************************** Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!' 'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere ***************************** A guy goes into an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll. Guy behind the counter asks, 'Male or female?' Customer says, 'Female.' Counter guy asks, 'Black or white?' Customer says, 'White.' Counter guy asks, 'Christian or Muslim?' Customer says, 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?' Counter guy says, 'The Muslim one blows itself up. ***************************** After Daylight Saving Time ended, I stopped in to visit my dyslexic friend. He was busy covering his organ with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back! **************************** A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says," I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the pussy cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?" ******************************* From a Soldier’s wife: I sat, as did millions of other Australians, and watched as the government underwent a peaceful transition of power twelve months ago. At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism when Julia Gillard took her oath of office. However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 21 SAS Soldiers in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the Prime Minister. It was then that I realized how badly Australia's military had deteriorated. Every one of them missed the cow. Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1239616	2011-10-24 21:58:00	You have excelled yourself this week Billy T. Many thanks as usual	tut (12033)
1239617	2011-10-24 22:03:00	:clap Good ones Billy. :lol: Here's one for the collection, just arrived in my in-box Friendship ~ None of that Sissy Crap Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cute little smiley faces on this ~Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. 1. When you are sad ~I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. 2. When you are blue ~I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3 When you smile ~I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in. 4. When you are scared ~I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT. 5. When you are worried ~I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. 6. When you are confused ~I will try to use only little words. 7When you are sick~Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.. 8. When you fall ~I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up. 9. This is my oath ....I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask ~ because you are my friend. Friendship is like peeinginyour pants,everyone can see it, but only youcan feel the true warmth. Send this to 10 of your closest friends (including the one who sent it to you). Then get depressed because you can only think of 4.	WalOne (4202)
1239618	2011-10-24 22:40:00	Thanks Billy	gary67 (56)
1239619	2011-10-24 22:44:00	Fantastic ones today Billy, thanks.	wratterus (105)
1239620	2011-10-25 01:39:00	Billy, not very often I laugh, but those were great. Lurking.	Lurking (218)
1239621	2011-10-25 01:48:00	Geez, I'm forgetting my manners here! Credit for most of today's jokes must go to KenESmith who from time to time passes on some of the gems he receives from other sources. I can't credit all sources as there are several including friends, family members and joke sites, but Ken has supplied quite a few doozies and warrants special mention. Cheers Billy 8-{) :thanks	Billy T (70)
1239622	2011-10-25 01:50:00	Today is Tuesday but worth waiting for. :thanks	Bobh (5192)
1239623	2011-10-25 08:15:00	Well done Billy.	mikebartnz (21)
1239624	2011-10-25 08:53:00	Whoa i forgot it was tuesday not monday Brilliant jokes this week Billy Thanks EDIT: And Wal all common sense but we have to be reminded from time to time :thumbs:	Gobe1 (6290)
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