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Thread ID: 121903	2011-11-20 22:09:00	Monday Laughs:.........Kids, Husbands, Golfers, and the Logical Scientist........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1244497	2011-11-20 22:09:00	. . . Mrs. Parkes, a Sixth Grade science teacher, asked her class: "Can anybody tell me which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered, and finally Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will tell the Principal, who will then fire you!" Mrs. Parkes ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" Mary's mouth fell open, "Boy, are you going to get in big trouble!" she said. The teacher ignored her again and continued, "Anybody?" Finally, Tommy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases ten times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parkes said, "Very good, Tommy." She then turned to Mary and said, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind;. two, you didn't read your homework; and three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed." ******************************** A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?" ******************************** Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old, "You always feel like you have to pee.. And most of the time nothing happens." "Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When you're 70, you don't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens." "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old. "No, I pee every morning at 6.00 am. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all." "Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?" "No, I have one every morning at 6.30 am." Puzzled with this the 60-year-old said, "Let's get this straight. You pee every morning at 6.00 am and poop every morning at 6.30 am. So what's so tough about being 80?" "I don't wake up until seven." ********************************* Apocryphal, but........ On July 20, 1969, as Commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the Moon. His first words after stepping on the Moon, 'that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,' were televised to Earth and heard by millions. But just before he re-entered the Lander, he made the enigmatic remark 'good luck, Mr. Gorsky.' Many people at NASA though it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, they found there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the 'good luck, Mr. Gorsky... statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. On July 5, 1995, in Tampa, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. In 1938 when he was a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the back yard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. 'oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the Moon!' ********************************* Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant. Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker. Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here! The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him. Dave: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living? Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession. Dave: - Oh? What's that then? Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home? Dave: - Er ..... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens! Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it? Dave: - It's in a pond! Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then? Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden. Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house? Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house .... built it myself! Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family? Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children. Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis? Dave: - Yep! Five times a week! Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often? Dave: - Do what? Not me, mate! Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work! Dave: - How's that then? Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life! Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive. Thanks mate! Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate. Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does? Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist! Stuart: - What's that then? Dave: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish? Stuart: - Nope Dave: - Well then, you're a ****** Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1244498	2011-11-20 22:54:00	Dave: - Well then, you're a ****** Hahah, good stuff! Cheers Billy :D :D :D	Bozo (8540)
1244499	2011-11-20 23:21:00	hahahaaaa excellent Thanks Billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1244500	2011-11-21 03:02:00	Bugger, I missed the 'unacceptable word' in the last joke and got the 6* equivalent of wank-r instead! Oh shlt, I shouldn't have said 'bugger', now I'll be in the cr*p! ****, it's just not my day............. Cheers Billy 8-{) :blush:	Billy T (70)
1244501	2011-11-21 03:09:00	Dave: - Well then, you're a ****** Brilliant.	icow (15313)
1244502	2011-11-21 04:59:00	A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"! The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things... 1 - The bartender is a blonde woman. 2 - The bouncer is a blonde woman. 3 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 4 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler, and 5 - I'm a 6 foot, 200 lb. blonde woman with a PhD, a black belt in karate and a very bad attitude. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says; "Naaaah . . . not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."	johcar (6283)
1244503	2011-11-21 05:47:00	In my email today im Irishka / 3671610 541695QC I'm glad that I have acquainted with such attractive guy. My name is Irina, doing gymnastics since childhood and I love swimming. I've got shiny smile and attractive body. Hope get more information about you. I liked your snapshot, and I wanna know you closer. They all seem to do gymnastics...and that last line is too good england for me..	Gobe1 (6290)
1244504	2011-11-22 20:08:00	The Husband Store A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'But I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor Number 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives Store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.....	johcar (6283)
1244505	2011-11-22 20:16:00	Four old friends were playing their weekly game of golf. One remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his pals and play a round. His friends all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority; figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning." Months later that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first player says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." The second guy says, "I spent a bomb too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." The third man says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turned to the last one of the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the behind and said well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for sex or golf," and all she said was, "You'll need a hat."	johcar (6283)
1244506	2011-11-22 23:17:00	In my email today im Irishka / I've got shiny smile She hasn't wiped her mouth?	pctek (84)
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