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Thread ID: 6545 2000-11-20 03:12:00 I believe this is true!!! Guest (0) Press F1
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7169 2000-11-20 03:12:00 > Some new information has come to light over the Kursk disaster. For those
> with short attention spans, the Kursk was the submarine that blew up and
> sank in the Arctic Ocean killing all 118 on board. The Russians tried to
> blame the incident on a collision with an unidentified object.
>
> However, sonar tapes that recorded the blasts (a small one at first, then
> a much larger one two minutes later) cast doubt on these claims. A
> whistle blower within the Russian military has leaked that the crew of the
> Kursk was testing a new type of torpedo when the accident occured.
>
> It seemed very likely that the test didn't go quite as planned.
>
> While rescue efforts to save the survivors of the Kursk failed, salvage
> crews were able to recover a 'Black Box' from the submarine, which
> contained detailed accounts of the events leading up to the explosion.
>
> As luck would have it, we got a copy of those tapes.
>
> It turns out that the submarine crew was trying to load Microsoft Windows
> on their fire control computer. Their intent was to replace the aging
> CP/M operating system with the flashier Windows OS. Apparently, the
> Russians didn't know about the legendary stability problems exhibited by
> Windows.
>
> The log tapes make this painfully obvious:
>
> Captain: Is the new fire control Windows OS installed yet Comrade?
>
> Seaman: Almost Sir. We just need to finish filling out the registration
> card.
>
> Captain: Excellent. Soon we will be able to point and click our enemies
> into oblivion.
>
> [Laughter in background]
>
> Seaman: Comrade Captain! It is booting! Look, it says 'Preparing to run
> Windows for the first time'.
>
> [Long pause]
>
> Seaman: Arrgh! Sir, it wants me to reboot again. That makes the 27th
> time.
>
> Captain: Hmmm. This is not encouraging. Go ahead and reboot again.
>
> Seaman: Aye Sir.
>
> [Another long pause]
>
> Seaman: Captain, it is up again. It says it found new hardware ... A
> CD-ROM drive and that it needs drivers.
>
> Captain: Where are the drivers?
>
> Seaman: On the CD-ROM.
>
> Captain: You are joking, no?
>
> Seaman: No Sir.
>
> Captain: Reboot the damn thing again. I am starting not to like this
> Windows.
>
> [Another long pause]
>
> Seaman: Sir! It is back! It says it found the Gorby2000 Torpedo and is
> looking for the device drivers. Do we have a driver disk?
>
> Captain: I do not think so.
>
> Seaman: I will tell it to use the default drivers.
>
> [Another long pause]
>
> Seaman: Crap. It wants to reboot again.
>
> Captain: How many times are we going to reboot today? This is taking
> forever. Our hull is going to rust out before this works.
>
> [Another long pause]
>
> Seaman: Sir! It is up and this time it is not asking for anything!
>
> Captain: Really? No device drivers? No registration cards? No user
> profiles?
>
> Seaman: No Sir. I think it is ready.
>
> Captain: Good work comrade. Now click on the fire control icon and let
> us
> see how this works.
>
> Seaman: Clicking now, Sir.
>
> [Another long pause]
>
> Captain: Why does the fire control screen have a dancing paper clip on
> it?
>
> Seaman: I have no idea Sir.
>
> Captain: Hmmm, well try clicking on the menu.
>
> Seaman: Aye Sir. Let us see; Open E-mail, Spam a friend, Mail a Virus,
> Fire a Torpedo...
>
> Captain: We will spam a friend later. Let us fire a torpedo.
>
> Seaman: Aye Sir.
>
> [Another long pause]
>
> Seaman: It is asking us to load the torpedo and to click when ready.
>
> Captain: Torpedo room; load a torpedo in tube number 1!
>
> [Intercom:] This is the Torpedo room. The torpedo is loaded Sir.
>
> Captain: Click on the continue button.
>
> Seaman: Aye Sir.
>
> [Another long pause]
>
> Seaman: It is asking for a target Sir.
>
> Captain: Hmmm, target the Rainbow Warrior.
>
> Seaman: Aye Sir. Damn! It says the torpedo is low on ink.
>
> Captain: Click ignore. We will get some ink when we return to base.
>
> Seaman: Aye Sir. We are ready to fire.
>
> Captain: Very good. You may fire when ready comrade.
>
> Seaman: Firing torpedo Sir.
>
> [Another really long pause] Captain: Well?
>
> Seaman: I am trying Sir. Nothing is happening. Wait a minute....
>
> [A loud explosion is heard in the background followed by screaming on
> intercom]
>
> Captain: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
>
> Seaman: Captain! A new screen has appeared! Outlook Express Fire
> Control
> has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. Click 'OK' to
> continue.
>
> Seaman: Oh my God! The paper clip has died! What should I do?
>
> Captain: Shut it down! Shut it down!
>
> Seaman: It is not responding Sir!
>
> Captain: Try 'CTRL-ALT-DELETE'!
>
> Seaman: Aye Sir. We are in luck! The task manager is still operating.
> I
> am instructing the task manager to shut down Outlook Fire Control.
>
> [Another long pause]
>
> Seaman: The task manager says that Outlook Fire Control is not
> responding.
>
> Captain: Well no sh*t. Tell it to 'end task'.
>
> Seaman: Nothing is happening Sir.
>
> Captain: Try 'CTRL-ALT-DELETE' again.
>
> Seaman: Aye Sir.
>
> [Sounds of frantic pecking on keyboard.]
>
> Seaman: Oooh! What a pretty blue screen!
>
> Captain: Holy Sh*t! Not the blue screen of dea....
>
> [KABLAM! A really big explosion. More screaming and the sound of
> rushing
> water.]
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
> The tape ends at this point.
>
> During the weeklong rescue effort, divers reported hearing tapping in the
> form of morse code coming from survivors inside the damaged sub. The
> rescuers couldn't understand why a group of men would spend the last of
> their strength tapping out 'windows sucks' in morse code. The tapes of
> the last moments of the Kursk may offer some insight into this.
>
> Microsoft: Where do you want to crash today? 		Guest (0)
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